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You’re working on your physical fitness, but how about your emotional fitness? Dr. Ethan Kross visits with us to discuss his new book Shift: Managing Your Emotions — So They Don’t Manage You. 

Ethan Kross joins us from Michigan.

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Bio

Ethan Kross, PhD, is one of the world’s leading experts on emotion regulation. An award-­winning professor in the University of Michigan’s top-­ranked Department of Psychology and its Ross School of Business, he is the director of the Emotion & Self Control Laboratory. Ethan has participated in policy discussions at the White House, spoken at TED and SXSW, and consulted with some of the world’s top executives and organizations. He has been interviewed on CBS Evening News, Good Morning America, Anderson Cooper Full Circle, and NPR’s Morning Edition. His pioneering research has been featured in The New York Times, The New Yorker, The Wall Street Journal, USA Today, The New England Journal of Medicine, and Science. He completed his BA at the University of Pennsylvania and his PhD at Columbia University.

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For More on Ethan Kross

Shift: Managing Your Emotions–So They Don’t Manage You

Website

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Podcast Conversations You May Like

Thinking Better to Live Better – Dr. Woo-kyoung Ahn

Self-Compassion – Dr. Kristin Neff

The Mindful Body – Ellen Langer

Happier Hour – Cassie Holmes, PhD

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Mentioned in This Podcast Episode

Chatter & Your Inner Voice – Ethan Kross

WOOP – Gabriele Oettingen

Implementation Intentions – Peter Gollwitzer

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About The Retirement Wisdom Podcast

There are many podcasts on retirement, often hosted by financial advisors with their own financial motives, that cover the money side of the street. This podcast is different. You’ll get smarter about the investment decisions you’ll make about the most important asset you’ll have in retirement: your time.

About Retirement Wisdom

I help people who are retiring, but aren’t quite done yet, discover what’s next and build their custom version of their next life. A meaningful retirement doesn’t just happen by accident.

Schedule a call today to discuss how The Designing Your Life process created by Bill Burnett & Dave Evans can help you make your life in retirement a great one – on your own terms.

About Your Podcast Host 

Joe Casey is an executive coach who also helps people design their next life after their primary career and create their version of The Multipurpose Retirement.™ He created his own next chapter after a twenty-six-year career at Merrill Lynch, where he was Senior Vice President and Head of HR for Global Markets & Investment Banking. Today, in addition to his work with clients, Joe hosts The Retirement Wisdom Podcast, which thanks to his guests and loyal listeners, ranks in the top 1 % globally in popularity by Listen Notes, with over 1.6 million downloads. Business Insider has recognized Joe as one of 23 innovative coaches who are making a difference. He’s the author of Win the Retirement Game: How to Outsmart the 9 Forces Trying to Steal Your Joy.

Connect on LinkedIn

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Wise Quotes

On Emotions

“Emotions are responses to things that happen in the world or in our minds that we judge to be meaningful. And when we perceive meaningful things, it activates a loosely coordinated response within our minds and our bodies that is designed to help us manage the situations we find ourselves in. So just to make that concrete, if my view of what is right versus wrong is violated, and there’s an opportunity for me to fix a situation, I’m going to experience anger. Anger is an emotion that motivates me to approach, get in there and try to fix the situation. If there’s a threat on the horizon that is important to me, I’m going to experience some anxiety. I’m going to have a fight or flight response that’s going to motivate me to zoom in really carefully on the situation so I can plan for it. Those are emotions. And when they’re experiencing the right proportions, not too intensely or too long, they’re vital tools that we have that we use to navigate the world. The big problem, of course, is that sometimes those emotions are triggered out of proportion. And when that happens, that can be a big problem. And that’s what my book Shift is all about, how to manage emotions in those circumstances.”

On Purpose & Meaning

“Viktor Frankl was a psychiatrist living during World War II and just experienced massive loss, lost his family, his livelihood, his career. yet he was able to muster through the atrocities of World War II and concentration camps by finding meaning and purpose in his daily life. And his book always really stood with me, stuck with me, because it was an illustration that as bad as times can get, and hopefully they’re not too bad for you who are listening, but if they are, there’s always the possibility of finding meaning and purpose in life. And so I think thinking about that, being flexible and how we construct meaning and purpose is really useful. Lots of us find meaning and purpose from our jobs if we’re lucky, but we can also find meaning and purpose in our families and in our communities. And so I think taking the time, if your retirement is one where you truly are stepping away entirely from a vocation that is to find your life, think about where else you can find meaning in your life and then dive in to those spaces. Because those will provide a kind of compass that steers you through the next phase of your life. Thank you. Well, we evolve the capacity to experience negative emotions for a reason. They help us manage situations that are important to us.”

On Perspective

“Well, the best way to sum up perspective is as follows. I think many of us have the intuition or understanding that we have the ability to change the way we think, to change the way we feel. We can focus on the bright side, we can adopt a more objective stance. The problem is that it can be really hard to do that when you’re in the heat in the moment. It’s often easier said than done. What perspective does is that perspective shifters are tools we can use to step back and focus on our circumstances from a different point of view that often makes it a lot easier for us to change the way we think, to change the way we feel. One example of a perspective shifter something I call linguistic distancing. So trying to think through in a situation, give yourself advice using our own name and you. All right, Ethan, what do you think you should really do here? What that does when you refer to yourself using your own name and you, it shifts your perspective. It gets you to relate to yourself like you’re relating to someone else. And why is that useful? Well, it’s a lot easier to give advice to other people than it is to take our own advice as we often know. And so that’s one example of a perspective shifter. And this is a very useful category of tools because sometimes you have to stare a problem in the face. You can’t get time away from it, which we know can often help people with their emotions.”

 

 

 

 

After a successful, demanding, and high-stress career, how do you shift gears to a new, more balanced life in an early retirement?  Marybeth Crane shares her story and insights.

Dr. Marybeth Crane joins us from Texas.

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Bio

Dr. Marybeth Crane is a retired board-certified podiatric foot and ankle surgeon. She specialized in sports medicine in private practice for over twenty-five years and successfully built a multi-million-dollar private practice from humble beginnings. In her spare time, she completed more than twenty marathons, a dozen or so Half-Ironmans, and two Full Ironman Triathlons.

She’s the author of the book Drop the S: Recovering from Superwoman Syndrome. She believes that exercise is the most powerful drug physicians can prescribe and that choosing a healthy lifestyle will help combat the aging process.

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For More on Dr. Marybeth Crane

Drop the S: Recovering From Superwoman Syndrome

Website

Blog

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Podcast Conversations You May Like

The Power of Reinvention – Joanne Lipman

Strategic Quitting – Julia Keller

Is It Time to Break Up with Busy? – Yvonne Tally

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About The Retirement Wisdom Podcast

There are many podcasts on retirement, often hosted by financial advisors with their own financial motives, that cover the money side of the street. This podcast is different. You’ll get smarter about the investment decisions you’ll make about the most important asset you’ll have in retirement: your time.

About Retirement Wisdom

I help people who are retiring, but aren’t quite done yet, discover what’s next and build their custom version of their next life. A meaningful retirement doesn’t just happen by accident.

Schedule a call today to discuss how The Designing Your Life process created by Bill Burnett & Dave Evans can help you make your life in retirement a great one – on your own terms.

About Your Podcast Host 

Joe Casey is an executive coach who also helps people design their next life after their primary career and create their version of The Multipurpose Retirement.™ He created his own next chapter after a twenty-six-year career at Merrill Lynch, where he was Senior Vice President and Head of HR for Global Markets & Investment Banking. Today, in addition to his work with clients, Joe hosts The Retirement Wisdom Podcast, which thanks to his guests and loyal listeners, ranks in the top 1 % globally in popularity by Listen Notes, with over 1.6 million downloads. Business Insider has recognized Joe as one of 23 innovative coaches who are making a difference. He’s the author of Win the Retirement Game: How to Outsmart the 9 Forces Trying to Steal Your Joy.

Connect on LinkedIn

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On Identity in Retirement

“I actually found that’s a real thing. My husband was very concerned because I’ve been Dr. Crane for 30 years. And now all of a sudden, I’m Marybeth. And I will tell you that probably for the first six months to a year, it was hard to meet someone new and say, Hi, I’m Dr. Crane. No, it’s a Hi, I’m Marybeth. And I would have to change it because I didn’t want to sound like some arrogant jerk. Oh, by the way, I’m a doctor. So it’s a real thing. But you also start to think about who is Marybeth versus Dr. Crane, because Dr. Crane was like a different entity. In fact, my husband would tell me when I came home, could you turn the doctor off? Because I was running the practice and my name’s first on the door, it’s my way of the highway kind of thing. And you’d come home, and now you’re a team. And I’m not the captain of the team necessarily every day. So in retirement, you start to actually be more your authentic self.”

On Structure in Retirement

“You learn to figure out what your priorities are for getting through your day –  the things that you want to get accomplished, the things you can get accomplished, the things you really don’t feel like getting accomplished, and maybe can take off the to do list, versus you’re running a company you have a strict schedule that you’re going hour to hour to hour. In my case, every 15 minutes there was a different person in my room, and whether you wanted to do it or not, they were there whether it was a good day or a bad day, they were still there. So, flexibility is probably the best thing, but the more you get to decide what’s important, your priorities definitely change. I feel like I was running a marathon as a sprint. When I was practicing, you’re just going, going, going. And we have an entire generation that glorifies the grind – the more you grind, the more money you make, the better off your life is. Well, that’s not what it is. It’s really, can I fulfill the things that I can do out there that somebody else can’t, can I do the things I want to do, and not what I have to do?”

On Purpose

“If I can help just one person, then that’s my purpose. If you think that your purpose is to play golf every day, I would tell you no. But there is a purpose to that too, because you’re out there, you’re having fun with other people or other couples, you’re enjoying the outside, and you’re delving into their retirement, because most of them are retired or thinking about being retired. And you’re helping them get through those those building blocks to what does the rest of your life look like?”

 

In today’s complex, fast-paced world, what can we learn from philosophers? John Kaag thinks we can learn a lot. He’s created an audiobook Spring Training (for the Rest of Your Life), discussing his ideas highlighting Thoreau, Emerson and William James. He’s also the co-founder of Rebind, an AI company transforming classic literature into interactive, guided experiences. Rebind pairs books with original interactive commentary from some of today’s greatest thinkers who serve as expert guides,  featuring conversations, personal anecdotes, historical context, and reflections. Rebind was named to Fast Company’s prestigious list of the World’s Most Innovative Companies of 2025 and was a TIME Magazine “Best Invention of 2024.”

John Kaag joins us from Massachusetts.

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Bio

John Kaag is a distinguished philosopher and author, widely recognized for his deep knowledge of Henry David Thoreau’s classic Walden. He has authored several books, including American Philosophy: A Love Story and Hiking with Nietzsche, both of which were New York Times and NPR Best Books of the Year. In 2023, he published Henry at Work, a thorough examination of Thoreau’s philosophy as it relates to post-pandemic work habits. Kaag has contributed to The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and Harper’s Magazine, bringing timeless philosophical insights to a wider audience.

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For More on John Kaag

Spring Training (for the Rest of Your Life)

Rebind

Try Rebind – Discount offer

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Podcast Episodes You May Like

Living for Pleasure – Emily Austin, PhD

The Art of the Interesting – Lorraine Besser, PhD

An Artful Life – John P. Weiss

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About The Retirement Wisdom Podcast

There are many podcasts on retirement, often hosted by financial advisors with their own financial motives, that cover the money side of the street. This podcast is different. You’ll get smarter about the investment decisions you’ll make about the most important asset you’ll have in retirement: your time.

About Retirement Wisdom

I help people who are retiring, but aren’t quite done yet, discover what’s next and build their custom version of their next life. A meaningful retirement doesn’t just happen by accident.

Schedule a call today to discuss how The Designing Your Life process created by Bill Burnett & Dave Evans can help you make your life in retirement a great one – on your own terms.

About Your Podcast Host 

Joe Casey is an executive coach who also helps people design their next life after their primary career and create their version of The Multipurpose Retirement.™ He created his own next chapter after a twenty-six-year career at Merrill Lynch, where he was Senior Vice President and Head of HR for Global Markets & Investment Banking. Today, in addition to his work with clients, Joe hosts The Retirement Wisdom Podcast, which thanks to his guests and loyal listeners, ranks in the top 1 % globally in popularity by Listen Notes, with over 1.6 million downloads. Business Insider has recognized Joe as one of 23 innovative coaches who are making a difference. He’s the author of Win the Retirement Game: How to Outsmart the 9 Forces Trying to Steal Your Joy.

Connect on LinkedIn

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Wise Quotes

On Philosophers – and AI

“I think it’s interesting. I think that when it comes to the perennial questions of philosophy, like why am I here? What is the good life? Why is life worth living? These questions typically are answered in very personal settings, between friends, between family members, between, I teach at UMass Lowell, so my classes are relatively small within a classroom setting. But I think what’s interesting is that when like lots of readers and lots of thinkers don’t have the chance to interact with others in a sort of active way. My mother was one of these individuals. She retired when she was 68, and she lived until she was 76. And during that time, she spent quite a bit of time online, reading online, but she really missed human companionship. And what’s interesting with this time of AI and artificial intelligence is that we have the ability to scale one-on-one tutoring interactions. Many people have talked about the use of Chat GPT and asking Chat GPT questions and getting responses. But what I find really interesting is that we have the chance to use AI to dynamically distribute original human comments and commentary into conversation.”

On William James, Action and Emotion

“William James…was the founder of empirical psychology at Harvard, the founder of American Pragmatism, which is one of the two major philosophies that was born in the United States in the 19th century. William James, in his empirical studies of psychology, discovered that there’s a real relationship between action and emotion. And we often times think that we’re happy and therefore we smile. But William James, and it’s it’s termed the James-Lange theory of emotions instead of saying that we smile because we’re happy. James said the other way around. He said, we are happy because we smile. So anybody who’s been down in the dumps and gone for a walk and felt better or anyone who’s even tried a little bit of yoga, sort of the beginning sun salutation, where you point your hands up to the ceiling and point your chin up to the ceiling. Looking up has this transformative power on our emotional landscape. And James was the first to discover this. It’s going back to my mother. She declined very precipitously when she could no longer walk and her emotional state sort of declined very rapidly as well.”

On Habits

“William James was pretty smart about habits. He said, following the ancient Greek Aristotle, that habits form ourselves. So if you think about who you are as a person, you are sort of defined by what you do in a habitual way, and your body actually takes the shape of the habits that we participate in. James, however, unlike Aristotle, was interested more in our ability to break habits, to unfix the beliefs that might have been given to us by our conventions, our society, our histories, and trying to overcome those. For James that was the task of life. If we think about cases where we reach our limits, or our habitual limits in life, and then overcome them and explore possibility, risk, uncertainty, what philosophers call indeterminacy, the sort of shakiness where the universe is not what we just expect, those are chances for us to both risk and lose something in some cases, but also to test ourselves and to discover who we are beyond the sort of normal constraints of everyday life. And James was interested in both thinking about life as a risk, but also as a reward, and both of those are equally ours when we explore them at the limits. And and I found that to be pretty instructive when I was reading James or rereading James for the umpteenth time and thinking about my mom being like, oh, man, I wish she could still get around. And what is interesting is that James suggests that even when our mobility and our actions are inhibited, we still have the ability to do small actions. And those small actions do matter for our emotions and for how we’re feeling. So I take that as pretty interesting.”

On Rebind

“[On Rebind] you get to go read Walden with me or you’ll be able to read The Tale of Two Cities with Margaret Atwood or Salman Rushdie doing Candide. And you’re basically getting a one-on-one masterclass with an expert about a classic book. And you get to ask any questions that you want and you’ll get pretty good answers. And thankfully, they’re originally and authentically sourced from the commentary that we’ve gotten.  There are 13 books up on the site. There’ll be 27 by the fall. Well, I’ve learned that it takes that AI has this. a very, very bad rap that it is not particularly popular and people are very suspicious. And people don’t mind interacting with a generic AI bot if they’re dealing in insurance, if they’re insurance agencies or maybe they’re pharmaceutical companies, they just wanna get answers about their drugs or something. But they don’t want to hear a generic AI bot wax eloquent about great books or poetry or things that we really care about. And that’s where the authenticity really matters. And I had to convince these authors, John Banville who won the Booker Prize, Marlon James who won the Booker Prize, Atwood, Rushdie, Elaine Pagels who gave us the gospel or gave us commentary on the Gospels.I really had to convince these participants and commentators that we weren’t pirating anything and that we were distributing their words know, useful in authentic ways. So that was one thing. The second thing is that people like to talk about books. There are 50 million people involved in Bible study, and we’re going to put out the Bible this spring in this form. There are five million people in book clubs, and people like to hear other people’s thoughts about reading. And that’s something that I’m hopeful about in terms of turning this into a genuine group reading experience.”

 

 

Ed Hajim shares his remarkable journey from a tumultuous childhood—moving through foster homes and orphanages after being kidnapped by his father—to becoming a successful businessman and philanthropist. Hajim explains how his experiences became advantages later in life, teaching him adaptability, resilience, and self-confidence that fueled his success at the University of Rochester and beyond. Now dedicated to giving back, he focuses on helping young people through scholarships and education initiatives, guided by his philosophy that “anything is possible, education is the solution to everything, and never be a victim.” Hajim offers powerful insights on finding purpose in later life stages through volunteerism, mentorship, and philanthropy, emphasizing the profound satisfaction that comes from helping others succeed.

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Bio

Ed Hajim, the son of a Syrian immigrant, is a seasoned Wall Street executive with more than 50 years of investment experience. He has held senior management positions with the Capital Group, E.F. Hutton, and Lehman Brothers before becoming chairman and CEO of Furman Selz. Hajim has been the co-chairman of ING Barings, Americas Region; chairman and CEO of ING Aeltus Group and ING Furman Selz Asset Management; chairman and CEO of MLH Capital; and chairman of High Vista, a Boston-based money management company.

In 2008, after 20 years as a trustee of the University of Rochester, Hajim began an eight-year tenure as chairman of the university’s board. Upon assuming that office he gave the school $30 million—the largest single donation in its history—to support scholarships and endow the Edmund A. Hajim School of Engineering and Applied Sciences. Through the Hajim Family Foundation, he has made generous donations to organizations that promote education, health care, arts, culture, and conservation.

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For More on Ed Hajim

Island of the Four Ps: A Modern Fable About Preparing for Your Future

Website

On the Road Less Traveled: An Unlikely Journey from the Orphanage to the Boardroom

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Podcast Conversations You May Like

Live Life in Crescendo – Cynthia Covey Haller

How to Live a Values Based Life – Harry Kraemer

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About The Retirement Wisdom Podcast

There are many podcasts on retirement, often hosted by financial advisors with their own financial motives, that cover the money side of the street. This podcast is different. You’ll get smarter about the investment decisions you’ll make about the most important asset you’ll have in retirement: your time.

About Retirement Wisdom

I help people who are retiring, but aren’t quite done yet, discover what’s next and build their custom version of their next life. A meaningful retirement doesn’t just happen by accident.

Schedule a call today to discuss how The Designing Your Life process created by Bill Burnett & Dave Evans can help you make your life in retirement a great one – on your own terms.

About Your Podcast Host 

Joe Casey is an executive coach who also helps people design their next life after their primary career and create their version of The Multipurpose Retirement.™ He created his own next chapter after a twenty-six-year career at Merrill Lynch, where he was Senior Vice President and Head of HR for Global Markets & Investment Banking. Today, in addition to his work with clients, Joe hosts The Retirement Wisdom Podcast, which thanks to his guests and loyal listeners, ranks in the top 1 % globally in popularity by Listen Notes, with over 1.6 million downloads. Business Insider has recognized Joe as one of 23 innovative coaches who are making a difference. He’s the author of Win the Retirement Game: How to Outsmart the 9 Forces Trying to Steal Your Joy.

Connect on LinkedIn

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Wise Quotes

On Reviewing Your Interests

“Go back and look at your passions. If you left some passions behind, did you really want to paint or play the piano? Or had you always wanted to find out about France or Belgium or Argentina? Well, the passions you left behind, and now you have to really have the time and the energy to pursue them. One of my passions, as you’ll see in my book, is to help people do better than they thought. And that’s a lifelong passion because no matter what you’re involved in, if you can pursue that, you’ll get a great response. So you have to go back and look at your passion and maybe in an athletic experience. And I do believe this concept of taking time to reflect. I like to take the holidays at the end of the year and sit down and spend time to do a really deep dive and ask questions. Now, passions are not only my interests, my likes, my dislikes, my talents, and also contextual. You may be in a situation where I don’t know how long it’s going to take California to come back, but you can commit yourself to getting involved with the problems there. That could take five years of your life if that’s what excites you.”

On Testing Your Pursuits

“Start writing early as possible, write things down and look at them monitor them. Sit down and write down here’s what I want to do.  And then I think every once a year, do a very simple dive, to say that I accomplished it. And every three years, do a real deep dive, maybe I’m on the wrong path. I wouldn’t question every year where I’m at. I mean, it takes you by mind three years to see whether this thing is good enough, but write it down, but also spend time in what I call contextual sense. Think about what the world, where the world is going, like AI or biotech. You don’t have to be really knowledgeable, you just get interested in them. What are the trends in Alzheimer’s? A friend of mine runs it, has been involved in Alzheimer’s. And he’s got a foundation, which he’s now working to solve the problem. But write it down, write it down. Go back to some of the old things you did once. There are a lot of places, or finding another organization that fits something you’re really interested in.”

On Purpose

“Well, finding the new purpose is more difficult. You go through life and your first purpose will be to be financially independent and my second purpose was to have a family that I could support. The third purpose was to be successful in business and so forth. Older people in my mind, you have to reach back and find a purpose that you want. The fourth part of life is community, giving back.  It’s pretty easy to find a purpose in giving back. The other purposes are material, and they’re ephemeral by the way, too.”

Will your next phase be your time? If you’re a people-pleaser, or know someone who is, you’ll want to hear from Hailey Magee, author of Stop People Pleasing and Find Your Power. It’s time to set better boundaries, advocate for your needs and priorities and start living the life you’ve imagined.

Hailey Magee joins us from Seattle.

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Bio

Hailey Magee is a certified coach who helps people around the world break the people-pleasing pattern and master the art of self-advocacy. Holding a credential from the International Coaching Federation and certified by Erickson Coaching International, Hailey has worked with over 500 private clients, helping recovering people-pleasers rediscover not only their power and agency, but their pleasure, joy, and sense of wonder. Her debut book, Stop People Pleasing and Find Your Power, was released by Simon & Schuster in 2024.

Hailey’s refreshingly nuanced perspectives on boundary-setting and self-advocacy have captured the attention of millions on social media. Her work has been featured in The New York Times, The Gottman Institute, Business Insider, and Newsweek, and she has facilitated workshops in partnership with WeWork, Women In Music, and a variety of other companies and organizations.

Hailey is dedicated to offering her clients clear, research-supported strategies for change. She resides in Seattle, WA.

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For More on Hailey Magee

Stop People Pleasing and Find Your Power

Website

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Podcast Episodes You May Like

The Power of Saying No – Vanessa Patrick, PhD

The Joy of Saying No – Natalie Lue

Edit Your Life – Elisabeth Sharp McKetta

_____________________

About The Retirement Wisdom Podcast

There are many podcasts on retirement, often hosted by financial advisors with their own financial motives, that cover the money side of the street. This podcast is different. You’ll get smarter about the investment decisions you’ll make about the most important asset you’ll have in retirement: your time.

About Retirement Wisdom

I help people who are retiring, but aren’t quite done yet, discover what’s next and build their custom version of their next life. A meaningful retirement doesn’t just happen by accident.

Schedule a call today to discuss how The Designing Your Life process created by Bill Burnett & Dave Evans can help you make your life in retirement a great one – on your own terms.

About Your Podcast Host 

Joe Casey is an executive coach who also helps people design their next life after their primary career and create their version of The Multipurpose Retirement.™ He created his own next chapter after a twenty-six-year career at Merrill Lynch, where he was Senior Vice President and Head of HR for Global Markets & Investment Banking. Today, in addition to his work with clients, Joe hosts The Retirement Wisdom Podcast, which thanks to his guests and loyal listeners, ranks in the top 1 % globally in popularity by Listen Notes, with over 1.6 million downloads. Business Insider has recognized Joe as one of 23 innovative coaches who are making a difference. He’s the author of Win the Retirement Game: How to Outsmart the 9 Forces Trying to Steal Your Joy.

Connect on LinkedIn

_______________________

Wise Quotes

On People Pleasing

“It’s really just the act of putting other people first at our own detriment, chronically. So unlike regular generosity, which can feel really great and benefit our relationships, people pleasing tends to be a chronic pattern of behavior that really negatively affects us over time. And the costs are high. First of all, because we’re always centering other people and putting them first, we become really disconnected from ourselves. So we struggle to access our own dreams, our own desires, our own needs, and that can lead to life feeling kind of hollow and one dimensional. On top of that, our emotional health can suffer because we’re often over committed, burned out, resentful and disconnected.”

On Boundaries

“I think of these as the growing pains of strengthening a new muscle of learning how to prioritize ourselves. Like with any new workout, there’s some soreness after. But what we can do is we can find some reasons that might make that guilt or selfish feeling feel a little bit worth it. And for me, the best way to flip the script and really become more confident prioritizing yourself is really just to remember that over commitment and lead to resentment in our relationships and really harm them over time. So if you’re over-committed spending too many hours watching your grandkids, you might begin to resent your kids for asking so often. And if you’re over-committed to a certain volunteer organization, you might slowly begin to resent the people at the organization, because you’re so burnt out and taxed from all your giving. So what I like to remind us is that our boundaries, learning how to prioritize ourselves, are not anti-relationship. They’re pro-relationship because they create the distance at which you can really love and appreciate a person or an organization without resenting them. And I say in my book, research actually shows, which I found this so, so reaffirming, that people who practice healthy selfishness, quote unquote, which basically means those who have a healthy respect for their own needs and health, actually report having more positive relationships and more loving attitudes toward others, because they’re not constantly fatigued and burned out. So this really helps us flip the script.”

On Fear

“…the common thread is there’s fear. I’m doing this because I have to and I’m afraid. And that’s so different from kindness, which is really just, I’m doing this because I want to. I’m doing this because I want to help. And if you’re listening to this and you’re like, I’m still not sure, which one is it? The simplest little question you can ask yourself to discern which one is happening is just ask right now, do my insides match my outsides? Because when we’re being kind, they match our outside, smiling and giving and generosity is matched by an inner sense of just goodwill and contentment. But when we’re people pleasing outside, we’re smiling and happy and giving, but inside we’re shut down or resentful or frustrated or overwhelmed. And so that dissonance is what you want to watch out for.”