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There’s a lot to plan for in retirement. A big one may be caregiving. Jarie Bolander was suddenly thrust into the role of caregiver when his wife Jane was diagnosed with a terminal illness in 2016. He joins us to share his lessons learned in the hopes that it will help others. He’s written a book Ride or Die: Loving Through Tragedy, A Husband’s Memoir about his experiences as a caregiver.
Jarie Bolander joins us from San Francisco.
Jarie Bolander caught the startup bug right after graduating from San Jose State University in 1995 with a degree in electrical engineering. With 6 startups, 7.75 books, and 10 patents under his belt, his experience runs the gamut from semiconductors to life sciences to nonprofits. He also hosts a podcast called The Entrepreneur Ethos, which is based on his last book by the same name. When he’s not helping clients convert a concept to a viable strategy, he can be found on the Jiu-Jitsu mat (he’s a blue belt), interviewing entrepreneurs on his podcast, or researching the latest in earthship construction techniques. He’s engaged to a wonderful woman named Minerva, her daughter, and their Bernedoodle, Sage. Currently, Jarie lives and works in San Francisco, where he works as head of market strategy for Decision Counsel, a B2B growth consulting firm.
For More on Jarie Bolander
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“The burden of life is not a solo sport. And I know, life is joy. But there is a burden to living because of stuff like this. You get injured. You lose your job. Your wife dies or your husband dies. Your kid gets sick. You cannot shoulder the burden alone. You just can’t. I don’t care how strong you are, even on the most elite military units in the world, it’s a team. They spread the misery, right? It’s individual. But they know that their buddy’s got their back if the thing hits the fan. They know that in their soul. But, us normal folk, we generally don’t have that kind of discipline or that connection, and community. I strive every day to continue to build those strong bonds with the community. I’m here today because of that, all my friends, and it’s powerful.”
On Being Present
“She needed me to be present for her. And over time I realized that, and then, even she even acknowledged it. She’s like, Look, I know you need to get away from this. This was the gift that I always think about. She was worried about my health and well-being too. So I think for men, it’s not always what you’re doing as a caregiver. It’s being present. It’s being thoughtful. It’s like listening. It’s like having them being heard. Because they’re in a awkward spot. Jane was a Type A entrepreneur, changing the world, doing whatever she wants. Now she’s like, Hey babe, can you get me some towels? Hey babe, what’s it like outside in the real world? It felt like prison to her. I learned about myself that if you have a halfway decent attitude, you could pretty much get through anything. You don’t have to be stellar. You just have to show up and be committed. And you’re going to make mistakes and things are not going go bad. But if you’ve got good intent, you’re working towards it.”
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About Your Podcast Host
Joe Casey is an executive coach who also helps people design their next life after their primary career. He created his own next chapter after a twenty-six-year career at Merrill Lynch, where he was Senior Vice President and Head of HR for Global Markets & Investment Banking. Today, in addition to his work with clients, Joe hosts The Retirement Wisdom Podcast, which thanks to his guests and loyal listeners, ranks in the top 1 % globally in popularity by Listen Notes. Business Insider has recognized him as one of 23 innovative coaches who are making a difference. He’s the author of Win the Retirement Game: How to Outsmart the 9 Forces Trying to Steal Your Joy.