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Seniority Authority – Cathleen Toomey

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Retirement Wisdom · Apr 23, 2023 ·

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Getting older is something to celebrate according to today’s guest Cathleen Toomey, of the RiverWoods Group. But there are also realties to plan ahead for and adjust to along the way. You’ll want to do your homework and get sound advice so you’re well-educated on the options available for you to consider. And if you’re planning to age in place, you’ll want to hear what Cathleen has to say about that option.

Cathleen Toomey joins us from New Hampshire.

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Bio

Cathleen Toomey has led the sales and marketing efforts of the RiverWoods Group since 2007, during a period of expansive growth, when the organization doubled their size. She has done a TEDx talk “Secrets to Successful Aging“; and is a frequent presenter. In 2021, she launched a podcast, Seniority Authority, “Let’s Get Smarter About Growing Older” to answer questions on aging. New Hampshire PBS recently aired a short series featuring Cathleen’s Seniority Authority content.

Prior to RiverWoods, Cathleen’s extensive brand building experience included work for Timberland, Stonyfield Farm, Babson College and Bentley University. A graduate of Fordham University (MA) and Fairfield University (BA), Cathleen began her career in ad agency work in New York City.

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For More on Cathleen Toomey

Insider’s Guide: Choosing a Continuing Care Retirement Community

Seniority Authority podcast

Video series on New Hampshire PBS

RiverWoods Exeter website

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Podcast Episodes You May Like

Where Will You Live Next? – Ryan Frederick

An Anti-Ageist Second Act Business – Jan Golden

Are You Ready for The New Long Life? – Andrew Scott

Where to Retire – Silvia Ascarelli

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Mentioned in this Podcast Episode

Arthur Brooks

Robert Waldinger

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Wise Quotes

On Celebrating Aging

“I am very positive about aging. I think aging is a great thing because if you’re not aging, you’re dead! <laugh>So don’t we want to celebrate the fact that we are living another day, another month? Yes. Is aging hard? There’s no question. It’s hard. It comes with losses, it comes with emotional losses and financial losses and losses of friends and spouses and sometimes even children. It is not easy, but it is better than the alternative. Not everyone gets the gift of aging. So I would like personally for the world to start appreciating aging instead of denigrating it. Celebrate it! Don’t denigrate it. Don’t beat up on yourself because here are things you can’t do anymore.”

On Planning for Long-Term Care

“You need to be prepared to be able to think about care. And the more prepared you are, the more you plan ahead, the more choices you have and the better you’ll feel about it. Because you’re going to be thinking about what your needs will be. Don’t stick your head in the sand and pretend it’s never gonna happen to you. Then you will have an advantage over most other people. Most other people are not thinking about this.”

On Aging in Place

“The biggest fallacy that people have when they think about retirement is they say, “I’m going to age in place” and I’m putting quote marks in for your listeners age in place. Age in place means nothing. Age in place is a way to say, I’m going to stay in my house and ignore the world and myself changing. So if you want to age in place, you have to modify your home. You have to set aside money for internal caregivers. You have to make a plan, you have to share it with your financial advisor, your kids, et cetera. You can’t just stay in your home and say, I’m aging in place – because that’s not a plan. So my big message to to your listeners is no matter what age you are, assuming you’re let’s say over 60, make a plan, cost it out, share it with your financial advisor, your elder care attorney, your attorney, your kids and and think about that. And if your plan is that your kids are going to take care of you, tell them. Let them in on that.”

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About The Retirement Wisdom Podcast

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Schedule a call to find how how the Designing Your Life process (developed by Bill Burnett & Dave Evans at Stanford) can help you unlock a new direction. Learn more about our One and One coaching and small group programs. Take the first step toward your new life today.

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About Your Host

Joe Casey is an executive coach who also helps people design their next life after their primary career. He created his own next chapter after a twenty-six-year career at Merrill Lynch, where he was Senior Vice President and Head of HR for Global Markets & Investment Banking. Today, in addition to his work with clients, Joe hosts The Retirement Wisdom Podcast, which thanks to his guests and loyal listeners, ranks in the top 1.5 % globally in popularity by Listen Notes. Business Insider has recognized him as one of 23 innovative coaches who are making a difference. He’s the author of Win the Retirement Game: How to Outsmart the 9 Forces Trying to Steal Your Joy.

Retirement Wisdom · Apr 16, 2023 ·

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Are you kinder to others than you are to yourself? Dr. Kristen Neff is a leading researcher on self-compassion. She shares with us the multitude of benefits of self-compassion and how to learn the skill of being kinder to ourselves – and turn your inner critic into an inner ally.

Kristin Neff joins us from Austin, Texas.

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Bio

Kristin Neff received her doctorate from the University of California at Berkeley, and is currently an Associate Professor of Educational Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin.

During Kristin’s last year of graduate school she became interested in Buddhism and has been practicing meditation in the Insight Meditation tradition ever since. While doing her post-doctoral work she decided to conduct research on self-compassion – a central construct in Buddhist psychology and one that had not yet been examined empirically. Kristin is a pioneer in the field of self-compassion research, creating a scale to measure the construct almost 20 years ago. She has been recognized as one of the world’s most influential research psychologists. In addition to writing numerous academic articles and book chapters on the topic, she is author of the book Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, and her latest Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power and Thrive.

In conjunction with her colleague Dr. Chris Germer, she has developed an empirically supported training program called Mindful Self-Compassion, which is taught by thousands of teachers worldwide. They co-authored The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook as well as Teaching the Mindful Self-Compassion Program: A Guide for Professionals. She is also co-founder of the nonprofit Center for Mindful Self-Compassion.

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For More on Dr. Kristin Neff

The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength, and Thrive

Website

The Mindful Self-Compassion Program (8 week course)

Research Overview:

Self–compassion: Theory, method, research, and intervention

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Podcast Episodes You May Like

Chatter & Your Inner Voice – Ethan Kross

Happier Hour – Cassie Holmes, PhD

Retire Happy – Dr. Catherine Sanderson

The Emotional Side of Retiring – Kate Schroeder

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Mentioned in This Podcast Episode

New Study:

Wise Quotes

On the Benefits of Self Compassion

“The research is very, very clear. There are both mental and physical health benefits of self-compassion. So if you think of the word in Latin – compassion – passion means suffering. It’s how are we with our suffering? And if we aren’t with it in a healthy way, in other words, if we dive into it or we become overwhelmed by it, we may develop depression or anxiety or sleep disorders, eating disorders, and then it also may start affecting our health. We might have a lot of cortisol, high blood pressure, and it can have these knock-on effects. So what happens with self-compassion is when we’re struggling, we’re hurting in some way. If we’re there for ourselves, like we would be for a supportive friend, that means we’re stronger and we’re more able to deal with the tough stuff without being knocked over by it. And so it’s linked to better mental health, not only fewer negative things like depression, anxiety, stress, but also positive mind states like happiness and optimism. And that’s because if you think about it, kindness and connectedness, these are positive emotions. So we’re kind of framing our difficulty. We aren’t pretending it’s not there, but we’re just being kind and supportive ourself to ourselves in the midst of the difficulty. And these are positive emotions that help us cope. And then that’s in turn linked to physical health. So for instance, we’re more self-compassionate, our cortisol levels are lower. We’ve got greater heart rate variability, for instance, and that means we also sleep better because we aren’t just beating ourselves up all night so that we can’t sleep. And so it’s linked to both physical and mental wellbeing.”

On Asking What Do You Need?

“The quintessential self-compassion question is, what do I need? And often we don’t even ask ourselves that question. It’s been dictated to us: Oh, I need to go to college. I need to get a graduate degree. I need to get a job. I need to have children. I need to send my children to college. I need to do this and this and this. We don’t ask ourselves: Well, what do I need? And again, one are the beauties of retirement is you can actually pause and say: Well, what is it that I need? What is it that I value? What’s really important to me? But you need to do it for yourself at this point. No one else is doing it for you. The structure isn’t given from the outside, it’s given from the inside. But it’s a beautiful time to be able to do some exploration of what are my values, what really gives me pleasure, what’s important to me. For many people, it’s a time of will actually service giving back that gives me pleasure.”

On Learning the Skills of Self Compassion

“So I started researching self-compassion in 2003, and then in 2008 I met, someone named Chris Germer who said: Kristin, I love your research, but it’s not enough just to research this stuff. You need to teach people how to be more self-compassionate. And then you can research that. And so I started teaming up with him. He had much more experience leading workshops. I had no experience in that area. And so we created something called the Mindful Self-Compassion Program, an eight week empirically supported program, with really good benefits. And so the workbook basically walks you through that eight week program, but in a workbook format, exercise by exercise. And it’s actually our bestselling book, my bestselling book, because if you want to learn self-compassion, it’s like all there. All the steps you need to learn self-compassion are in the workbook, all the basic concepts. It kind of takes you through an order starting small, working your way up. And it really lays out the skills of self-compassion. And they are skills. It is a resource. The good news is even if you aren’t used to doing it, it’s not a totally new skill because almost everyone has developed the skill of compassion for others. We know what it sounds like. We know what it feels like. The skill is just giving yourself permission to turn this resource inward and then not just outward. So it’s actually easier than you would think to practice self-compassion. The biggest hurdle is giving yourself permission and remembering to do it. But the workbook can be really handy for that reason.”

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About Retirement Wisdom

Are you clear on what’s next for you? Don’t put it off. Get started on designing your future. Schedule a call to discuss how my one-on-one Designing Your New Life in Retirement, Tiny Habits and Mental Fitness coaching programs can help you defeat uncertainty, gain clarity and direction.

About Your Podcast Host

Today, in addition to his work with clients, Joe hosts The Retirement Wisdom Podcast, which thanks to his guests and loyal listeners, ranks in the top 1.5 % globally in popularity by Listen Notes. Business Insider has recognized him as one of 23 innovative coaches who are making a difference. He’s the author of Win the Retirement Game: How to Outsmart the 9 Forces Trying to Steal Your Joy.

Retirement Wisdom · Apr 9, 2023 ·

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Have you ever worked on being more mindful? It takes practice and patience. But mindfulness may help you age wisely. Berit Lewis, author of Ageing Upwards: A Mindfulness-based Framework for the Longevity Revolution, believes so. In her view, “Ageing isn’t about decline. It’s about transition.” Listen in for how mindfulness can enhance your life in the years ahead.

Berit Lewis joins us The Netherlands.

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Bio

Berit Lewis is an accredited MBSR (Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction) Teacher, trained in ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) and also trained at Mindfulness in Schools Foundations (MiSP) to teach .B Foundations for teachers.

She is a category 1 member of VMBN (Vereniging Mindfulness Based Trainers Nederland en Vlaanderen) and holds a BA (Honours) in Psychology, a MA of Communication and a MSc of Vitality and Ageing. She has extensive experience in teaching MBSR courses in groups or to individuals.

Recently as part of her master thesis at Leyden Academy for Vitality and Ageing she developed, taught and researched an online Mindfulness Based Vitality and Ageing (MBVA) course for older persons. She has previously also developed a successful mindfulness course for teenagers.

Before founding Thriving Life she worked as a communication – and PR – specialist in Denmark and Australia – including 10 years as a communications specialist at the Danish Defence. Berit is Danish, married to a Welshman and lives in the Netherlands with two teenage children.

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For More on Berit Lewis

Ageing Upwards: A mindfulness-based framework for the longevity revolution

Thriving Life (Website)

Berit’s Blog and Newsletter

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Podcast Episodes

Honest Aging – Rosanne Leipzig, MD & PhD

Chatter & Your Inner Voice – Ethan Kross

Are You Living Gratefully? – Kristi Nelson

Retirement Planning Includes Getting Good at Getting Older – Rabbi Laura Geller

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Wise Quotes

On Successful Aging

“I really think that that whole term Successful Aging is hugely misleading. So, it’s success criteria for, for what? To avoid ageing? To stay young.? And it also really feeds into this whole story we have in our culture about aging being bad and it’s something we should avoid. Ageing is not about decline. It’s about transition. And so if we want to really use the term Successful Aging, I think the success criteria should be more how to embrace these transitions – according to what each one of us and as individual thinks is important to us. And the four skills that I mentioned in my book, Ageing Upwards, is to be aware of this ability to change our mindset, to see things in a different perspective and, and to be able to broaden out our awareness so that we can meet all the challenges we see with affection and self-compassion.”

On Mindfulness

“That whole idea about being in the present moment and relaxing is a part of mindfulness. It helps us to practice our ability to pay attention to the present moment, and for some people it also helps them calm down their nervous system. But I think there’s so much more to mindfulness than just being present. The true benefit from mindfulness really lies when we start to see, to gain this awareness as I explained before, so we are not just in the present moment, but we are aware of being in the present moment. It’s like this extra layer of it.”

On Learning to Practice Mindfulness

“Unfortunately, mindfulness is not a quick fix. I wish it was. It takes a lot of time and effort and it can also be unpleasant because we are seeing things that we might not want to see. And instead of running away from discomfort and pain, we’re turning towards it and meeting it with curiosity. So that’s what you have to be prepared for. And what’s funny is a lot of people, whenever I teach mindfulness, they come back to me after maybe three weeks and say, I’m supposed to feel less stressed by doing this stress reduction course, but all of a sudden I have more thoughts. And they don’t really notice the thoughts more, they become much more aware of the busyness that we have in our head. And in the beginning it can actually be a source of even more stress. So that’s also something that you might want to be prepared for when you you go into mindfulness – and it’s the beginning. But then eventually you start to see what it all is and how you can also cope with it. So it’s not easy to learn mindfulness. It does take some time. It’s like learning any new skill really. When you learn to play the violin or play soccer, it takes time and you’ve got to practice it. And finally, another thing that’s also hard is you can’t understand mindfulness with your intellect alone. It’s not something you can just read a book about and understand. It’s really something you have to practice. You have to feel it with your body and your senses and trying to let go of this analytical brain that most of us spent most of our time in.”

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About Retirement Wisdom

About Your Podcast Host

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Retirement Wisdom · Apr 2, 2023 ·

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If you’re planning for retirement, are you planning for longevity? And not just from a financial perspective. Be intentional about planning how you’ll live your long life. Don’t settle. Award-winning product designer Ayse Birsel joins us to share her insights and creative design thinking tools that can help you design your life to be full of love, purpose, well-being, and friendship. Her new book, Design the Long Life You Love: A Step-by-Step Guide to Love, Purpose, Well-Being, and Friendship, is based on her co-design research with older adults. It can help you craft the next phase of life and make the most of your longevity.

Ayse Birsel joins us from New York.

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Bio

Ayse (pronounced Eye-Shay) Birsel is one of Fast Company’s Most Creative People 2017. She is the author of Design the Life You Love, A Step-By-Step Guide to Building A Meaningful Future. On the Thinkers50 shortlist for talent, she gives lectures on Design the Organization You Love to corporations. Ayse writes a weekly post on innovation for Inc.com.

Ayse designs award-winning products and systems with Fortune 100 and 500 companies, including Amazon, Colgate-Palmolive, Herman Miller, GE, IKEA, The Scan Foundation, Staples and Toyota.

She is the recipient of numerous awards including Interior Design Best of Year Award in 2018 for Overlay, a new Herman Miller system, multiple IDEA (Industrial Design Excellence Awards) and Best of NeoCon Gold Awards, Young Designers Award from the Brooklyn Museum of Art and the Athena Award for Excellence in Furniture Design from Rhode Island School of Design. Ayse is one of only 100 people worldwide to be named as one of the Marshall Goldsmith 100 Coaches—a program Goldsmith conceived during Ayse’s Design the Life You Love program—along with the President of the World Bank, the head of the Rockefeller Foundation and the President of Singularity University. She is a TEDx speaker. Her work can be found in the permanent collections of the MoMA, Cooper Hewitt National Design Museum and Philadelphia Museum of Art.

Born in Izmir, Turkey, Ayse came to the US on a Fulbright Scholarship and got her masters degree at Pratt Institute, New York.

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For More on Ayse Birsel

Website

Design the Long Life You Love: A Step-by-Step Guide to Love, Purpose, Well-Being, and Friendship

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Retiring? You could just wing it… But why not be intentional – and design your new life in retirement?

Join our Small Group Program starting April 12th: Learn more here

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Mentioned in This Podcast Episode

Learned Optimism – Explanatory Style

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Podcast Episodes You May Like

Design Your Life and Get Unstuck – Dave Evans

Are You Ready for The New Long Life? – Andrew Scott

The Joy of Saying No – Natalie Lue

Retire Happy – Dr. Catherine Sanderson

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Wise Quotes

On Design Thinking

“Design thinking is creative problem solving in a nutshell. And what led me to apply it to my life was, many, many years ago, I was part of a group of women CEOs and we were asked to define our life’s mission in one sentence. And I said in the moment – and I don’t know why I said it – I said, my mission in life is to design the life I love. And then eventually that’s what I ended up doing because I developed a design thinking process that I called Deconstruction-Reconstruction. And then the two things came together and I remembered, hold on one second, our life is our biggest project. It’s like a design project full of challenges and criteria – things that we want and we need, and what if I apply my process to it? And it started as an experiment.”

On The Most Important Factor in Life Design

“Optimism. And that’s what I saw. So we did this year-long research with people who were 65 and older all the way to 90 plus, and we asked them to come and design their life with us. And the one thing across the board that I saw in everybody was optimism. And nobody said to us, even the people who were in their nineties, nobody said, aren’t you a little late? They were all like, Yes, I’m here to design my life. That’s the idea.”

On Designing What to Avoid

“It’s really important to know what to avoid because if we are intentional about those things, we can make time and space for things we love. And that’s why I want to remind people, it’s not just only about things you want to include, it’s also about things you want to get rid of. And so the things that people talk about, three came to mind. One is they say yes to too many things. So they want to learn to say no. And what’s good about that is if you can say no to things, you’re making time for other things, for new things, maybe things that are important to you. So one is to avoid saying yes to everything. The other thing that came from our research was toxic friends, especially older people, were very clear about saying no to toxic friends and saying, I don’t have time for this. So I thought that that was really interesting. And then the third one is living life not being true to yourself. And this comes from some research that was done with people who were dying about their wishes, things that they wish they had done. And Joe, the number one thing is, I wish I had lived a life true to myself and listened less to other people or what other people expect of me. So that, that also comes up in our research. And frankly, designing your life or designing your long life is all about being true to yourself.”

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About Retirement Wisdom

Are you clear on what’s next for you? Don’t put it off. Get started on designing your future.

Schedule a call to discuss how my one-on-one Designing Your New Life in Retirement, Tiny Habits and Mental Fitness coaching programs can help you defeat uncertainty, gain clarity and direction.

About Your Podcast Host

Retirement Wisdom · Mar 26, 2023 ·

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Retiring? You could just wing it…

But why not be intentional – and design your new life in retirement?

Join our Group Program starting April 12th – Learn more here – Early Bird Pricing ends 3/27.

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Spring is here and travel plans are in full swing. Where are you headed in the months ahead? Before you finalize your packing list, our returning guest Francine Toder, recommends a few things that can make your travel experience richer. Listen in for why you’ll want to bring along curiosity, a beginners mind and mindfulness to your next adventure. She discusses her interesting book Inward Traveler: 51 Ways to Explore the World Mindfully, practical tips to make your upcoming travel meaningful – and how to use it to try out new behaviors – and even a new you…

Did you miss Francine’s first visit with us to discuss The Vintage Years? Listen here

Francine Toder joins us again from the San Francisco Bay Area.

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Bio

Francine Toder, Ph.D. retired from the faculty at California State University, Sacramento and then recently retired from private practice as a clinical psychologist. Her newest book is: “Inward Traveler: 51 Ways to Explore the World Mindfully,” Whether you travel across an ocean or just across a street, “Inward Traveler” provides ways to sense the world deeply and in the present moment. Prompts in the 51 chapters guide your explorations.

Her previous book, “The Vintage Years: Finding Your Inner Artist (Writer, Musician, Visual Artist) After Sixty,” began to take shape after she thought about retirement and meaningful ways to spend her new-found time, and positive aging in general. She rented a cello, found a teacher and began learning to play this life-size instrument, which she now practices daily – proof that it’s never too late to learn, but more importantly that the fine arts may be the best way to stimulate brain growth and enhance health past sixty, according to recent neuroscience research. The book is not a memoir but based on neuroscience research and interviews with late-blooming artists of all kinds.

Toder is also the author of “When Your Child Is Gone: Learning to Live Again” and “Your Kids Are Grown: Moving On With and Without Them.” Her extensive writing on diverse topics has appeared in magazines, professional journals, and edited-book chapters. She resides with her husband in the San Francisco Bay Area where she continues to write and play music on her cello.

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For More on Francine Toder, Ph.D.

Inward Traveler: 51 Ways to Explore the World Mindfully

Website

Guided Autobiography program

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Podcast Episodes You May Like

Living for Pleasure – Emily Austin, PhD

Live Life in Crescendo – Cynthia Covey Haller

Happier Hour – Cassie Holmes, PhD

An Artful Life – John P. Weiss

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Wise Quotes

On Your Alter Ego On The Road

“It gives us permission to try on an alter ego or to be a different person. We can try on new behaviors and get away from old, ineffective or detrimental patterns. Repeating the same thoughts and behaviors in the same context always produces the same results, but a journey of any kind can kind of shake up the context and allow you to create new links to new outcomes. Also, nature is therapeutic. It’s soothing and plentiful, even in big cities. Remember, parks are everywhere. In fact, I was in Berlin last October and I was amazed at the green space in that very populated city. So you can always find a place to rejuvenate yourself or try on new behavior…You have nothing to lose when you try on new behaviors with strangers who you’ll never see again. If you know you talk too much, you could try being what I call an involved listener, just being much more of a listener than a talker. If you generally are shy, you can try initiating conversation.”

On Mindful Staycations

“If you can’t travel, then that is an option that’s available to you. And I think sometimes people feel resentful. Either they don’t have the time for travel or the money for travel or their body won’t cooperate because they don’t have the mobility. So the first thing when you plan a staycation or a three day weekend might be to put aside any resentment or disappointment that it can’t be more or can’t be bigger. Make the time to make the time and the place grand. For example, would an overnight camping trip along the river and a trail ride on a horseback satisfy your craving for a longer ranch stay? That’s if you actually have the mobility and you can get away. But locally, would a weekend with long baths and yoga classes on YouTube and healthy meals give you the feeling of a spa? Well, it’s not a spa, but it might. It could feel like one. Or what about a big city day trip with visits to a museum that you haven’t been to before or botanical gardens? By the way, I never saw the Statue of Liberty until I was in my mid-twenties living far away and came back to New York, which is where I’m from. Obviously if you are listening, you can tell that. And my husband, who was a Midwesterner, took me to the Statue of Liberty. Now why? Well, it just was like background noise. And that’s a terrible thing to say, but I think that is the way people deal with their own locale. So, take a bus tour, take a trip to someplace that you haven’t really thought about in your local community and just remember your searches for good substitutes during the covid lockdown. People were really creative of them because everyone was going stir crazy and you had some things that you were able to do. Remember what those are.”

On Being Present While Traveling

“Stay open to your experience. Watch how kids approach anything new with wonder and curiosity. Get close to experiences…Enter the experience fully with all of your senses. Be there in real time. Remember real time is the only time you have.”

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About Retirement Wisdom

Are you clear on what’s next for you? Don’t put it off. Get started on designing your future.

Schedule a call to discuss how my one-on-one Designing Your New Life in Retirement, Tiny Habits and Mental Fitness coaching programs can help you defeat uncertainty, gain clarity and direction.

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About Your Podcast Host

Seniority Authority – Cathleen Toomey

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The Very Best of 2024 – Retirement Wisdom

Your Money Matters in 2025 – Larry Kotlikoff

Spiritual Aging – Carol Orsborn, PhD

Slow Living – Stephanie O’Dea

Best of the Retirement Wisdom Podcast 2024 – Part 3

The Pursuit of Wisdom – Ben Lytle

Best Of – On Gratitude

Turning the Page in Retirement – Stephen Riggio

Is Semi-Retirement the Best of Both Worlds? – Liz Weston

The Second Fifty – Debra Whitman

The Art of the Interesting – Lorraine Besser, PhD

Changing Lanes to Make a Difference – Jennifer Jacobs

How to Use Your Head to Save Your Brain – Mitchelll Clionsky, PhD