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Ride or Die – Jarie Bolander

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Retirement Wisdom · Aug 20, 2023 ·

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There’s a lot to plan for in retirement. A big one may be caregiving. Jarie Bolander was suddenly thrust into the role of caregiver when his wife Jane was diagnosed with a terminal illness in 2016. He joins us to share his lessons learned in the hopes that it will help others. He’s written a book Ride or Die: Loving Through Tragedy, A Husband’s Memoir about his experiences as a caregiver.

Jarie Bolander joins us from San Francisco.

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Bio

Jarie Bolander caught the startup bug right after graduating from San Jose State University in 1995 with a degree in electrical engineering. With 6 startups, 7.75 books, and 10 patents under his belt, his experience runs the gamut from semiconductors to life sciences to nonprofits. He also hosts a podcast called The Entrepreneur Ethos, which is based on his last book by the same name. When he’s not helping clients convert a concept to a viable strategy, he can be found on the Jiu-Jitsu mat (he’s a blue belt), interviewing entrepreneurs on his podcast, or researching the latest in earthship construction techniques. He’s engaged to a wonderful woman named Minerva, her daughter, and their Bernedoodle, Sage. Currently, Jarie lives and works in San Francisco, where he works as head of market strategy for Decision Counsel, a B2B growth consulting firm.

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For More on Jarie Bolander

Ride or Die: Loving Through Tragedy, a Husband’s Memoir

Website

The Daily MBA

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Podcast Episodes You May Like

Taking Stock – Dr. Jordan Grumet

The Best Day of My Life So Far

The Power of Reinvention – Joanne Lipman

The Well-Lived Life – Dr. Gladys McGarey

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Wise Quotes

On Community

“The burden of life is not a solo sport. And I know, life is joy. But there is a burden to living because of stuff like this. You get injured. You lose your job. Your wife dies or your husband dies. Your kid gets sick. You cannot shoulder the burden alone. You just can’t. I don’t care how strong you are, even on the most elite military units in the world, it’s a team. They spread the misery, right? It’s individual. But they know that their buddy’s got their back if the thing hits the fan. They know that in their soul. But, us normal folk, we generally don’t have that kind of discipline or that connection, and community. I strive every day to continue to build those strong bonds with the community. I’m here today because of that, all my friends, and it’s powerful.”

On Being Present

“She needed me to be present for her. And over time I realized that, and then, even she even acknowledged it. She’s like, Look, I know you need to get away from this. This was the gift that I always think about. She was worried about my health and well-being too. So I think for men, it’s not always what you’re doing as a caregiver. It’s being present. It’s being thoughtful. It’s like listening. It’s like having them being heard. Because they’re in a awkward spot. Jane was a Type A entrepreneur, changing the world, doing whatever she wants. Now she’s like, Hey babe, can you get me some towels? Hey babe, what’s it like outside in the real world? It felt like prison to her. I learned about myself that if you have a halfway decent attitude, you could pretty much get through anything. You don’t have to be stellar. You just have to show up and be committed. And you’re going to make mistakes and things are not going go bad. But if you’ve got good intent, you’re working towards it.”

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About Retirement Wisdom

I help people who are retiring, but not quite done yet, discover what’s next. A long retirement is a terrible thing to waste. And a meaningful retirement doesn’t just happen by accident. Retire smarter. Schedule a call today to discuss how The Designing Your Life process created by Bill Burnett & Dave Evans can help you make yours great.

Be intentional about your next phase. Design it.

The next Design Your New Life in Retirement Small Group Program starts on September 21st. Learn more here

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About Your Podcast Host

Joe Casey is an executive coach who also helps people design their next life after their primary career. He created his own next chapter after a twenty-six-year career at Merrill Lynch, where he was Senior Vice President and Head of HR for Global Markets & Investment Banking. Today, in addition to his work with clients, Joe hosts The Retirement Wisdom Podcast, which thanks to his guests and loyal listeners, ranks in the top 1 % globally in popularity by Listen Notes. Business Insider has recognized him as one of 23 innovative coaches who are making a difference. He’s the author of Win the Retirement Game: How to Outsmart the 9 Forces Trying to Steal Your Joy.

Retirement Wisdom · Aug 13, 2023 ·

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Be intentional about your next phase. Design it. Sign up for the Design Your New Life in Retirement Group Coaching Program – starts on 9/21 – Very Early Bird Pricing ends 8/15 – Learn More here

Long before the pandemic, back in 2009, Benita Cooper, noticed a problem when she moved to Philadelphia. Social isolation. She had an idea, inspired by a recent personal experience, that she thought could help. So she began a small project at lunchtime to tap into the power of storytelling. You’ll find her story and her not-for-profit organization The Best Day of My Life So Far inspiring.

Want to make a difference? See the links below for info on how you can connect the programs at The Best Day of My Life So Far with your community, school, organization, company or business, There’s a range of options from Lunch & Learns to Pop Up events to starting your own storytelling group.

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Bio

Benita Cooper is an award-winning Registered Architect in Pennsylvania, New Jersey and Delaware. She holds an MArch from Harvard University and a BA in Art and a BA in Architecture from the University of Washington. Driven to build and lead from a young age, she entered college at the age of 15, after moving from Hong Kong at 12.

Benita has received prestigious awards from the American Institute of Architects, the American Architectural Foundation, Harvard University and may more. Her work has been awarded first place by the American Society of Internal Designers.

Inspired by her friendship with her grandma, Benita Cooper launched The Best Day of My Life So Far a multimedia storytelling project to connect seniors with younger generations in 2009. It provides a cure for social isolation, by empowering older adults to share life stories and inspiring human connection across generational and social divides. In 2020, in response to the global pandemic, the not-for-profit expanded all of it’s programs to include more robust virtual options, and is well-positioned to take it’s work into the future.

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For More On Benita Cooper

The Best Day of My Life So Far

Programs – Get Involved

Benita Cooper Design

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Podcast Episodes You May Like

Changing the World One Small Act at a Time – Brad Aronson

How Seniors Are Saving the World With Activism – Thelma Reese

The Exciting Potential of Intergenerational Mentoring – Charlotte Japp

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Wise Quotes

On Storytelling

“I knew from the very, very first call with my grandma that stories could do what years of conversation could not. Stories could bring generations together. Stories brought my grandma and me together with one single phone call, one single story, Over time, with more calls and more stories, we became even closer. We became best friends. So stories are the building blocks to real communication. Real communication is a building block to real relationships. And real relationship, if enough people are doing it around you, is the building block to real community. And all of this is significantly more powerful when the story storytelling is shared between generations.”

On Life Lessons

“Every story contains sometimes not just one, but multiple life lessons. All of those things could be unexpected. You might not expect, if you’re someone younger, that somebody older would be so open-minded about whatever social issue is happening at the moment. And when you’re someone older, likewise, you might not expect that somebody younger would be open to your way of thinking. Or that they would find you funny. If you’re someone older and you tell somebody younger or something sad, you might be surprised by the confidence they see in you, which you never knew you had. So that story that’s within every story, there is something to be discovered and some impact that you could have if you allow the story to kind of sink in both sides – for storyteller and for the listener. The possibilities are truly limitless. What you can discover about each other is insight into life and into people. What you will discover is a greater love of life and of people.”

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About Retirement Wisdom

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About Your Podcast Host

Retirement Wisdom · Aug 6, 2023 ·

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Be intentional about your next phase. Design it.

Sign up for the Design Your New Life in Retirement Group Coaching Program – starts on 9/21 – Very Early Bird Pricing ends 8/15 – Learn More here

Should you delay retirement and keep working? This podcast looks at all aspects of retirement – including not retiring. Let’s face it, retirement’s not for everyone. And many people are choosing to work longer, for a variety of reasons. For some it is financially driven. But for others it’s because they love what they do, enjoy the people they work with and have a sense of mission and purpose in their work. Scott MacKillop shares why he’s choosing to continue to work – and how he also enjoys his family life and a variety of interests outside of work.

Scott MacKillop joins us from Colorado.

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Bio

Scott MacKillop is the CEO of First Ascent Asset Management in Denver, Colorado. After 40 years in the financial services industry, he’s still driven by seeing if he can do things better and make a difference in the industry. A graduate of Stanford University and George Washington University’s Law School, he began his career working as an intern at the Securities and Exchange Commission while in law school and then practiced law in Washington, DC for a little over 15 years, specializing in securities law, ERISA and venture capital transactions. Scott has published over 100 published articles and papers and has delivered over 100 industry conference speaking engagements. He was born in California and grew up in Silicon Valley (before it was called Silicon Valley), has lived on the East Coast and in the South, and in Denver since 1997. In addition to hanging out with his wife and kids, Scott plays lead guitar for the band at his church, loves hiking and has summited 30 “14ers ” (mountains 14,000 feet and higher).

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For More on Scott MacKillop

First Ascent Asset Management

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Retire Smarter. Don’t Miss an Episode – Follow on Apple Podcasts or

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Podcast Episodes You May Like

Independence Day – Steve Lopez

Is Working Into Retirement Good for Your Brain? – Dawn Carr

If You Love Your Work, What Challenges Will You Face in Retirement? – Michelle Pannor Silver

Are You Ready for The New Long Life? – Andrew Scott

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Wise Quotes

On Balance

“The first thing I, I learned is that there’s really no way to perfectly balance work in life. It’s an aspirational goal, but you have to accept the fact that there’s only 24 hours in a day. And if you’re like me, there’s way too many things that you’d like to do and so you’re never going to be able to fit it all in. So you have to try to screen out as many things as possible to really just focus on your priorities and not let yourself get distracted. Embrace the fact that you’re not going to get everything right. You’re going to have days when you go, Oh, I spent too much time doing work and not enough time doing things with my family. And there’ll be other times when you see it the other way. So just don’t stress about that. Do your best to stay focused. And you have to think about it, because it’s not going to happen by itself. There’s nobody that’s going to tell you when it’s time to go do your fun things and stop working. So you have to be very intentional about it. I think the key is just recognizing that it’s hard to get that exactly right. But I have found, interestingly, that time seems a little bit expandable to me. So if I have relatively few things to do, I’m going to fill up the day. If I have more things to do, somehow or another, I can still get those in.”

On Guitar Lessons

“I also play guitar. I play in a band. I grew up in the San Francisco Bay area back in the sixties. And so there were were a lot of pretty cool musical influences back then. And I actually ended up taking guitar lessons from Jerry Garcia before he became, you know, Jerry Garcia…What happened there was there was actually a guitar teacher named Troy Heimer, who nobody has ever heard of now. But all of my friends said, He’s the best guitar player! You’ve gotta go take lessons from him. So I went down to this local guitar store and tried to get lessons from Troy, and they said, Nope, there’s no way you can do it. And I said, I’ll come anytime, weekends or late. He said, Nope, sorry, he’s totally booked up. But we’ve got this other guy. And, they pointed to him. He was sitting, I still remember, he was in a metal folding chair. He had a Guild 12 string guitar, and he had this wild black wiry hair and probably about five days growth. And back in those days, he was kind of scary looking. But I listened to him play and it was unbelievable. So, I said, Okay, I’ll sign up take some lessons from him. So that’s how it all happened.”

On the Gift of Time

“I’m much more aware of the finite nature of the time that I have. There’s no question about it. I feel lucky. I’m 72 now. Both my parents died in their mid sixties, and so I feel like I’ve got this gift of these extra years. I don’t know how many more of ’em I’m going to have. I just look at each one of them as a blessing and recognize I could live, I guess, another 30 years, but I could also have a much shorter time period. So, there’s that sort of mysterious quality to time where, you don’t really know how much of it you have. You can’t really plan on a specific amount of time. But I am at the point now where the end of my life is not some theoretical thing. I know that I will someday not be here. And so it makes everything seem sweeter and more important. Every hour you have is a gift. And so you try to do the best you can with it and make a difference. I think it’s important. I don’t think everybody looks at the world this way, but I have been motivated a lot by trying to just make the world a better place in some little way. That might be just a smile to somebody in your family, or it might be something bigger that you try to do. But I think it makes it makes me very conscious of how I spend my time.”

On Common Mistakes in Planning for Retirement

“The thing that I’ve seen is people not really thinking that much about what it’s going to be like and how they’re going to spend their time – and how they’re going to feel about things. My recommendation is to think about the things that bring you joy in your life and be very intentional about that. Try to identify what those things are and say, Well, if I quit work, will I lose some of those things? Or will I get more of what I like when I quit and go do other things? I think it’s just really important to have in mind what are the things that bring you joy in life and try to gravitate in those directions. I think the reason why I’m still working at this point is just that I love what I do. I get a lot out of it and there would be no real substitute for it at this point in my life. So I continue to do that along with the other things that bring me joy as well. Once you leave the work world, you realize how much of your life structure was built round work. And when that structure isn’t there anymore, there’s no little fairies going to show up and say, Now it’s time to go do this. You need to plan to do that. There’s a lot of, I’ll call it work, but I’m not sure that it really feels like work, but there’s work to do to make sure you think about what you’re going to do next. The world can take you away. There are a lot of people who will push you one way or the other.”

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About Retirement Wisdom

I help people who are retiring, but not quite done yet, discover what’s next. A long retirement is a terrible thing to waste.

And a meaningful retirement doesn’t just happen by accident.

Retire smarter. Schedule a call today to discuss how The Designing Your Life process created by Bill Burnett & Dave Evans can help you make yours great.

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Retirement Wisdom · Jul 30, 2023 ·

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Retire smarter – sign up for the Design Your New Life in Retirement Group Coaching Program – which starts on 9/21 – Very Early Bird Pricing until August 15th – Learn More here

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Do yourself a big favor. Invest in your ability to say no masterfully. Vanessa Patrick’s research illuminates why we say yes when we really want to say no. She offers valuable practical tips on how to say no gracefully, but firmly, using what she calls empowered refusal. She advocates clarifying your purpose and your priorities, setting Personal Policies around them – and being mindful of the words you choose when you do say no. In retirement, saying no at the right times can set you free – so you can invest your time on the things that truly matter most to you.

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Bio

Vanessa Patrick is the author of The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life.

Dr. Patrick is a Professor of Marketing and the Associate Dean for Research at the Bauer College of Business at the University of Houston. She has a PhD in Business from the University of Southern California and an MBA in marketing and a BS degree in microbiology and biochemistry from Bombay University in India. Patrick has published dozens of research articles in top-tier academic journals in psychology, marketing, and management, and popular accounts of her work have appeared in the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, NPR, Los Angeles Times, Business Week, Fast Company, Forbes, Huffington Post and Washington Post. In her research, she investigates strategies to achieve personal mastery and inspire everyday excellence in oneself and others and is a pioneer in the study of everyday consumer aesthetics. Patrick lives with her family in Houston, Texas.

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For More on Vanessa Patrick

The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life

Website

Research Study: ‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior by Vanessa Patrick & Henrik Hagtvedt

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Retire Smarter. Don’t Miss an Episode – Follow on Apple Podcasts or

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Podcast Episodes You May Like

The Joy of Saying No – Natalie Lue

Chatter & Your Inner Voice – Ethan Kross

Retire Happy – Dr. Catherine Sanderson

How to Live a Values Based Life – Harry Kraemer

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Wise Quotes

On Why We Say Yes When We Really Don’t Want To

“In my research, I identify three main reasons as to why we say yes, when we want to say no. One is a concern for the relationships we have with others. So when people ask us to do something, they’re usually our friends, our family, people who are colleagues and acquaintances, and we want to have a good relationship with those people. We want to maintain that good relationship. The second reason ties into our reputation. We want to be seen positively in the eyes of people. We want to be seen as capable, as confident, as able to handle the things that are thrown our way. And the third thing is we have never really learned how to say no effectively throughout our lives. We’ve kind of tried to accommodate people’s requests and be cooperative and helpful, and [we’re] givers more than takers. And society in many ways, kind of shapes that sort of behavior and rewards that sort of behavior. And so we have never really learned to look inwards and think about how do I say no to the things that are not aligned with what I want to do or what I want to achieve.”

On Choosing the Right Words

“So, in my research, I actually focus on what are the words that we can use to communicate our refusal, that implicate the identity? And the way you implicate your identity is you ground your refusal in your identity is by choosing your words carefully. When you say, I can’t, you come across as disempowered, not in control, and suggest to the asker that, well, under some other situation, I would be able to say yes, but right now I can’t. And that very often invites pushback, negotiation discussion. Whereas when you say, I don’t, you implicate yourself, you say: This is my way of operating. This is who I am. This is how I do things. So, I don’t is a much more empowered way to communicate your refusal.”

On Setting Personal Policies

“So, a Personal Policy is essentially a simple rule that we set up for ourselves that give voice to our values and priorities that shape our actions and decisions. So, these are just rules that we set up. They are operating principles that allow us to live life the way we want to live life. And I very often, when I’m teaching this, use the example of travel. Now we all travel and it’s summer, so it makes sense to be talking about travel because it’s very close to our hearts. When we travel, we have preferences and we like certain things. So some people are aisle seats and some people are window seats. Some people just can’t stand a overnight red-eye flight, whereas other people are okay with it. Some people will say, I will not travel to Europe unless it is at least a week. whereas other people don’t have that preference in place. So more importantly, we have such good preferences and we know our preferences about travel, and so we are able to design our travel around those preferences. And as soon as I say that to people, then you can realize that if you can do it with travel, you can do it with any domain. You can do it with how you deal with friends, how you deal with family, how you deal with going to the gym, how you deal with entertainment, how you spend your time on social media – absolutely everything. What are your preferences, priorities, beliefs and values in that domain? And how would you like them to be seen? And how do you want to operate in accordance with those?”

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About Retirement Wisdom

I help people who are retiring, but not quite done yet, discover what’s next. A long retirement is a terrible thing to waste.

And a meaningful retirement doesn’t just happen by accident.

Retire smarter. Schedule a call today to discuss how The Designing Your Life process created by Bill Burnett & Dave Evans can help you make yours great.

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Retirement Wisdom · Jul 23, 2023 ·

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Plan for Life in Retirement?

You Could Just Wing It…

Or you could retire smarter & sign up for the Design Your New Life in Retirement Group Coaching Program – which starts on 9/21

Limited to 10 people – Very Early Bird Pricing until August 15th – Learn More here

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Everyone wants to retire happy. Where you choose to live can impact your happiness in retirement. Maybe you’ve found that place and are planning to age in place. Yet aging in place may not be the best choice for everyone. Welcome to a special “Best Of ” episode of The Retirement Wisdom Podcast with snippets of conversations with different perspectives on evaluating where you will live in retirement. To hear more from any or all of the guests, click the links to the full episodes below.

And scroll down to find links to other Best Of compilations on other topics that can help you retire smarter.

Where will you live in retirement? Age in place? Have you told your family? Share on X

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Links to the Full Podcast Conversations

Seniority Authority – Cathleen Toomey

Where Will You Live Next? – Ryan Frederick

Where to Retire – Silvia Ascarelli

Thriving in Place – Lisa Cini

Design the Long Life You Love – Ayse Birsel

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Retire Smarter. Don’t Miss an Episode – Follow on Apple Podcasts or

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More Wisdom?

Check Out These Best of The Retirement Wisdom Podcast compilations

Best of The Retirement Wisdom Podcast 2023 – Part 1

The Very Best of 2022

The Best of 2021 – Retirement Wisdom

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About Retirement Wisdom

I help people who are retiring, but not quite done yet, discover what’s next. A long retirement is a terrible thing to waste.

And a meaningful retirement doesn’t just happen by accident.

Retire smarter. Schedule a call today to discuss how The Designing Your Life process created by Bill Burnett & Dave Evans can help you make yours great.

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Ride or Die – Jarie Bolander

Bio

Bio

Bio

latest

Volunteering in Retirement: Purpose with Boundaries – Lisa Lewis

Taming The Molecule of More – Michael Long

Grace in Motion – Susan Hartzler

Season 8

What If I? Best of 2025 – Part 1

Older or Elder? – Marc Cooper

Your Identity Beyond Your Job Title – Laverne McKinnon

Grandmapreneur – Connie Inukai

The Stress Paradox – Sharon Bergquist, MD

The Heart of Grandfatherhood – Ted Page

Detach: Ditch Your Baggage – Dr. Bob Rosen

Retirement Regrets – Noah Sheidlower

Holistic Retirement Planning – Lane Martinsen

Empty Nester – Dr. Rachel Glik

Shift – Ethan Kross

The Art of a Balanced Life in Retirement – Dr. Marybeth Crane

Spring Training (for the Rest of Your Life) – John Kaag

What’s Your Cause? – Ed Hajim

Stop People Pleasing – Hailey Magee

TALK: The Science of Conversation – Alison Wood Brooks

Tiny Experiments – Anne-Laure Le Cunff

Layer Upon Layer – DavId Horton, MD

Our New Social Life – Natalie Kerr & Jaime Kurtz

Lessons Learned in Retirement That Can Help You – Judith Nadratowski

Golden Years – James Chappel

Big Goals – Caroline Adams Miller

The Purpose Code – Dr. Jordan Grumet

How to Winter – Kari Leibowitz

The New Happy – Stephanie Harrison

Season 7

The Very Best of 2024 – Retirement Wisdom

Your Money Matters in 2025 – Larry Kotlikoff

Spiritual Aging – Carol Orsborn, PhD

Slow Living – Stephanie O’Dea

Best of the Retirement Wisdom Podcast 2024 – Part 3

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Is Semi-Retirement the Best of Both Worlds? – Liz Weston

The Second Fifty – Debra Whitman

The Art of the Interesting – Lorraine Besser, PhD

Changing Lanes to Make a Difference – Jennifer Jacobs

How to Use Your Head to Save Your Brain – Mitchelll Clionsky, PhD

The Joy You Make – Steven Petrow

Passion and Purpose – Jim Ansara

The Future of Aging – Lauren Dunning | Milken Institute

How to Retire – Christine Benz

Retiring: Creating a Life That Works for You – Teresa Amabile

Best of 2024 – Part Two

The Good Life – Marc Schulz, PhD

The Retirement Savings Time Bomb – Ed Slott

My Last Bad Day – Michael O’Brien

Strategies for Retiring Right – Rick Atkinson

Retire on Fire – Cathy Bishop-Clark

Phased Retirement – Jennifer Barnes

A Season for That – Steve Hoffman

Is Your House in Order? – Adam Zuckerman

Living Like You Mean It – Jodi Wellman

Making a Difference by Mentoring – Jay Silverman

The Laws of Connection – David Robson

Your Next Act – Robert B. Tucker

Not Too Late – Gwendolyn Bounds

Unretired – Mark S. Walton

The Science of Longevity – Coleen T. Murphy

Why Are So Many Men Bad at Retirement? – Dawn Fallik

Mastering Your Transition to Retirement

The Benefits of a New Challenge – Joe Simonetta

Practicing Retirement STILL – Mary Jo Hoffman

How Not to Age – Dr. Michael Greger

On My Way Back to You – Sarah Cart

Live Better Longer – Maddy Dychtwald

Best of 2024 – Part One

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