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Retirement Wisdom

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Retirement Wisdom

Time for a Retirement Do-Over?

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A few months ago I accidentally stumbled on the trailer for The Do-Over, a “2016 dunderhead comedy” (ala Rotten Tomatoes) starring David Spade and Adam Sandler who fake their deaths in order to start their lives anew. While I didn’t watch the movie, the trailer got me wondering about what retirees would do differently if they had another chance to retire, knowing what they know now.

Ever since, I’ve been asking people who have retired, recently or decades ago, what they would “do over” if given the chance. Here are the most common answers I received:

  • Started saving earlier—and saved more!
  • Waited (or not waited) to claim Social Security.
  • Retired earlier, later or not at all.
  • Traveled more while still healthy (and before COVID).
  • Spent more time with my kids while they were still young and with my parents while they were still alive.
  • Taken better care of my health.
  • Done more research before relocating across the country (or halfway around the world).

Ready, set…do-over

Obviously, we can’t travel back in time for a retirement do-over. But regardless of our age and whether we’re newly retired or have been for decades, we don’t have to accept the status quo or dwell on past mistakes because it’s never too late for a fresh restart.

Instead, we can give ourselves a do-over, this time with the wisdom of the first go-round. For advice on how to do so, I reached out to Judith Belmont of Belmont Wellness and author of several books, including A Year of Self-Esteem: Daily Reflections and Practices for Embracing Your Worth.

She advises taking these six steps to launch your do-over:

Step 1: Accept that what’s done is done. “You can’t turn back the hands of time, but you can stop living in the land of ‘if onlys’ and ‘woulda coulda shouldas,’” says Belmont. “The key is to look for lessons you’ve learned and take comfort in the fact that these lessons make you wiser.”

Step 2: Get back in touch with your dreams. If you’re like many people in or near retirement you may have lost track of your hopes and dreams. If so, Belmont advises asking yourself the following questions:

  • What do I enjoy doing? Why?
  • What don’t I enjoy? Why?
  • What gives meaning and purpose to my life?
  • What are my talents and skills? How might I improve them?
  • What do I daydream about?
  • What do I like to read and watch movies about?

Step 3: Set SMART do-over goals. Whether big or small, near-term or decades into the future, make your do-over goals SMART: specific, measurable, active, reachable and timed. You may also find it helpful to divide your goals into categories. Here are some Bellmont recommends: personal, family, financial, community, physical and, for those who want to continue to work, career.

Step 4: Develop an action plan. Going for your do-over goals without first breaking them down into bite-size pieces is like trying to eat an apple all in one bite. Instead, brainstorm the small steps you need to take, put them in logical order and then assign a deadline to each.

Step 5: Seek support. One great way to get support for your retirement do-overs is by finding a goal buddy, a person who understands and cares about you and your goals and offers you the tools and support you need to succeed.

Step 6: Celebrate your do-over successes. Your celebrations should be in proportion to the size of your do-over goals and meaningful to you. You may choose to keep them private or to share, either with close family and friends or more publicly via social media. “Either way, do what makes you feel proud,” advises Belmont.

A fan of do-overs, Bev Bachel is a Minneapolis freelance writer and the author of What Do You Really Want: How to Set a Goal and Go for It!

Ready for your retirement do-over?

Our Design Your New Life in Retirement program starts on January 20th. Learn more here

Travel the World, Learn As You Go

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By Bev Bachel

Fifty-plus and looking to learn while traveling and making new friends?

Road Scholar and other similar programs could be your ticket.

Just ask Pauline Nelson.

“Road Scholar bills itself as ‘the university of the world,’ and that’s exactly what it’s been to me,” says Nelson, who’s been enjoying Road Scholar trips since the mid-2000s. Along the way, the now 62-year-old New Hampshirite has learned that whether you’re interested in seeing the United States or traveling the globe, there’s a program that’s right for you—plus plenty of people to enjoy it with.

Launched as Elderhostel in 1975, Road Scholar was founded to combine not-for-credit classes with inexpensive lodging for older adults. Today, the nonprofit offers thousands of experiential learning adventures in more than 100 countries and all 50 states.

You choose who you learn with—art lovers, outdoor enthusiasts, solo travelers and more, all of whom are both interested and interesting.

You can also choose your activity level; every Road Scholar travel adventure is assigned such a level to help you determine which trips best fit your physical abilities: everything from “easy-going” (minimal walking) to “outdoor-challenging” (you must be able to keep a steady pace on rugged and steep terrain).

Invite the grandkids

“There are also intergenerational trips,” says Nelson. She, her husband and their granddaughter Mackenzie have enjoyed several. “We took our first trip together in 2011, when she was 11, and we’ve gone on almost a trip a year ever since.” The trio has been everywhere from the Rocky Mountains to Peru, from Italy to Kenya.

“It’s been a great bonding experience for us,” says Nelson. “Traveling together not only helps us get to know one another, it’s more meaningful and memorable than a trip to the mall. Plus, sharing experiences gives us plenty to reminisce about.”

Each Road Scholar intergenerational trip includes both structured and unstructured time, plus the grandkids get time with other kids so they can form friendships on their own terms.

“I like the fact that when you’re traveling—whether on your own or with a grandchild or group of friends—you don’t need to worry about where you’re going to stay, how you’re going to get from the airport to your hotel or when or where you should eat,” says Nelson. “Instead, all the details are taken care of so you can focus on spending time together, making new friends, experiencing the world and enjoying your travels.”

“The trips are definitely life-changing,” says Nelson.

A world of options

Another company that prides itself on life-changing trips—primarily by connecting travelers with locals who live in the more than two dozen countries the trips explore—is Grand Circle Travel.

Established in 1958 by Ethel Andrus, the same person who founded AARP, Grand Circle offers high-impact experiences to travelers 50-plus while building local communities through philanthropy, social entrepreneurship and volunteerism.

Whether you sign up for a Grand Circle trip on your own or with a friend, sibling or child, you can look forward to traveling in comfort. This is especially true for Grand Circle cruises: the company’s cruise ships have been custom-built according to the specifications of older adults.

But what if you’re looking for a little less comfort in exchange for more adventure? ElderTreks may be the company for you. Billed as the world’s first “adventure travel company designed exclusively for people 50 and over,” ElderTreks offers active, off-the-beaten-track small-group adventures to more than 100 countries. Trek the jungles of Borneo, experience the magic of Sri Lanka, meet the great apes of Uganda or ski across Antarctica.

And if you prefer to travel from the comfort of your home or are reluctant to travel due to COVID, no worries. Road Scholar and other programs offer multi-day online adventures as well as one-hour virtual lectures on everything from the great whales to butterfly migration, from Chicago’s moveable bridges to Peru’s gold and silver.

Bev Bachel is a 50+ freelance writer who looks forward to once again being able to travel the world.

Note: The information included in this blog post does not constitute an endorsement.

Boost Your Post-retirement Confidence

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By Bev Bachel

I am.

I’m not.

I can.

I can’t.

Confidence—the feeling of self-assurance that comes from appreciating our abilities and accomplishments—often takes a hit in retirement, in large part because we’ve come to rely on our careers to define who we are and bolster our self-worth. Leave the career behind, and many of us quickly feel less confident … and even less capable.

That’s what happened to Sheila Peyraud. After retiring from a challenging yet rewarding career as chief technology officer of a large manufacturing company in which she routinely tackled challenging problems, she found herself at a complete loss.

“I would never have guessed that I had most of my ego wrapped up in my job, but when I retired, my identity disappeared overnight,” says Peyraud. “That made it clear just how much of my self-esteem was tied to my job. I had no idea. It was really a shock, and my confidence took a hit.”

Peyraud’s loss of confidence in retirement is common. According to an American Psychology Association study, self-esteem rises steadily until retirement, then declines just as steadily thereafter.[1]

But it’s doesn’t have to be this way. Instead, with these strategies, those of us who are retired or nearing retirement can turn “I’m not” back to “I am” and “I can’t” back to “I can.”

Here are eight strategies to help reinvigorate your retirement confidence:

Strategy #1: Set new goals. Run a marathon. Build a cabin. Visit all 50 states. Read a book a week. These are just some of the goals people I know have set … and achieved. In the process, they’ve not only grown their confidence, they’ve proven to themselves (and others) that they have what it takes to succeed.

Strategy #2: Learn something new. Podcasts, including the Retirement Wisdom podcast, are a great way to learn. So is going back to school. That’s what Peyraud did; she enrolled in the University of Minnesota Advanced Careers Fellows Program (UMAC), a nine-month, immersive experience [program?] designed for “encore adults” as they navigate transitions in their work and life. Even though the program has ended, Peyraud continues to take one or two classes per semester, on everything from sociology to electrical engineering.

Strategy #3: Connect with others. It’s so much easier to “get up and go” when you have someone to get up and go with. That’s one of the things Peyraud valued most about her UMAC program; it gave her a cohort of professionals who wanted, needed and valued her support while offering their support in return. “I made some good friends along the way, and we continue to stay in touch and cheer one another on,” says Peyraud.

Strategy #4: Home in on your purpose. While Peyraud started out at a loss, she’s since gotten crystal clear on her purpose, which she defines as “being useful to others and continuous self-development.” The first of these she pursues through tutoring, mentoring, and an open attitude toward others; the second through additional University of Minnesota classes, podcasts (Tim Ferris’ and Brené Brown’s are two of her favorites) and random goals such as learning to play the piano.

Strategy #5: Stretch your comfort zone. Initiate a conversation with someone you don’t know. Attend an event by yourself. Travel to a developing country. Go rock climbing or scuba diving. While these things may at first feel uncomfortable—even frightening—they and other stretches eventually become part of your comfort zone, giving you the confidence to stretch ever further.

Strategy #6: Challenge yourself physically. Come up with a physical challenge that’s realistic for you. For one of my friend’s, it’s running her first-ever 10k. For another, it’s playing pickleball. For Peyraud it’s walking four to five miles a day plus strenuous gardening. “Along the way, I’m building my confidence and proving to myself that I have what it takes to succeed,” says Peyraud. She’s also keeping her body as strong as her mind.

Strategy #7: Engage your imagination. Research shows that our brains don’t differentiate between imagining doing something—delivering a TED Talk, for instance—and actually doing it, so amp up your confidence and your skills by engaging your imagination. Close your eyes and picture yourself with as much detail as possible. Where are you? Who is with you? What are you succeeding at? In what ways are people cheering you on?

“I was self-conscious when I first started taking classes,” says Peyraud. “I was often paired with students 45 years my junior and had to find ways to be useful to them—my organizational skills came in particularly handy—without being a know-it-all. I’ve also found that being vulnerable and admitting what I don’t know has enabled me to learn from my fellow students, everything from software skills to intergenerational thinking.

As a result, Peyraud is confident that she is and that she can.

Bev Bachel is a Twin Cities freelancer who is developing her own retirement confidence by writing blog posts for AARP and Retirement Wisdom.

[1] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/changepower/202007/why-are-older-people-happier-less-confident

A Diagnosis Leads to a Retirement Course Correction

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By Bev Bachel

Two years ago, Allison Pearson and her husband Scott were looking forward to their retirement dreams: traveling, volunteering, learning new skills, spending time with family and friends, and more. Unfortunately, their dreams have changed. That’s because Scott was diagnosed with early-onset frontotemporal dementia.

Since his 2018 diagnosis, he’s gone from running his own business to being unable to work. He has trouble following conversations, forgets what day it is and can no longer drive. “Every now and again he’s still the man I married, but most of the time he’s like a happy four-year-old boy,” says Pearson. Before long, he will need full-time care.

“I’ll be honest,” says Pearson. “A lot of things now are impossibly hard, and I spend many sleepless nights worrying about what lies ahead. But I’m not sharing this to complain. I’m sharing because I’ve learned a lot of valuable lessons along the way, lessons I believe can help others face unexpected challenges that occur as we near and enter into retirement.”

Pearson isn’t alone in dealing with the challenges of caring for a loved one. According to AARP, more than 40 million Americans are already serving as unpaid caregivers.[1] And with the U.S. 65+ population set to nearly double over the next generation, caregiving will become an even more pressing issue for even more people.[2] For many, caregiving, as it did for the Pearsons, will require big adjustments and may even derail their retirement dreams.

Reality hits … physical, emotional and financial

Flash back three years. The Pearsons had just agreed to move from Denver to Nashville for Allison’s job when they received Scott’s diagnosis.

As you’d expect, they were devastated, but Allison wasn’t completely surprised. “Over the past several years, I’d seen signs that something was amiss,” says Pearson. “At first, I didn’t take them seriously, but then our adult kids began noticing that their dad didn’t seem ‘quite right.’”

Scott’s diagnosis sent Pearson into panic mode for several weeks, then she pulled herself together to learn everything she could about Scott’s disease and its likely progression. “I was lucky to find a frontotemporal dementia support group, something I desperately needed, and now attend monthly meetings,” says Pearson. “I also started house hunting in Nashville. Scott and I had already discussed downsizing before his diagnosis so settling on a smaller house was easy.”

But not much else was.

“I worried 24/7 about a long list of things,” says Pearson. “What impact would Scott’s diagnosis have on our family? How long could Scott be left alone at home while I was at work? Could I work full time and still have the energy to care for Scott? What will happen when Scott needs full-time care? Who will provide it? How will I pay for it? Will I ever be able to retire?”

While Pearson says she can’t yet answer these questions, here are five valuable lessons she’s learned that may be of help to you and those you love as you prepare for the decades ahead:

Lesson No. 1: Get your financial and legal affairs in order … NOW.
Like most people, the Pearsons thought they’d both be healthy for a long time. As a result, they put off several important decisions, including the decision to buy long-term care insurance. “We can’t change that,” says Pearson. “But if you’ve put off purchasing insurance or making other important financial decisions, now’s the time to start.”

Lesson No. 2: Seek professional advice.
The Pearsons had already assigned power of attorney (POA) to one another when they lived in Denver, but after meeting with an eldercare lawyer in Nashville, they learned that their Colorado POAs weren’t recognized in Tennessee. “We needed new ones ASAP, while Scott was still of sound mind,” says Pearson. Doing that, plus transferring everything into Allison’s name so that she can make decisions without Scott’s approval, cost nearly $10,000], money she feels was well spent in protecting her, Scott and their children, as well as the Pearsons assets.

Lesson No. 3: Say yes to what you can … while you can.
Three years ago, the Pearsons—to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary—traveled to Germany with their extended family. “Although the trip was difficult, I’m so thankful we did it then as Scott can no longer travel,” says Pearson. It’s now also difficult for Allison to travel on her own; when she does she must pay $200 a day for respite care for Scott because he can no longer be left alone.

Lesson No. 4: Look ahead, not back.

Does Allison wish Scott would have gotten long-term care insurance when they were first married? Yes, but there’s nothing she can do about that now, so rather than dwell on the past, she’s living in the present and focusing on the future. “It’s not the life we once envisioned, but I intend to remain strong for Scott and create the best possible future for the two of us, while also making sure I take care of myself,” says Pearson.

Lesson No. 5: Reach out for help. It takes a village to raise a child. It also takes a village to care for a loved one with dementia, so don’t go it alone, advises Pearson. Instead, ask family, friends and coworkers for help. Join a support group. Enroll in an online caregiving course. Also take advantage of free resources, including AARP Family Caregiving and the Alzheimer’s Association. Equally important, invite your family and friends in. “Doing so helps them better understand what you’re going through and gives them valuable insights into how best they can support you,” says Pearson.

As the Pearsons have learned, the days leading up to retirement don’t always turn out the way you expect. By thinking ahead and taking action now, you can make important course corrections if you need to.

Bev Bachel is a Twin Cities freelance writer whose first job out of high school was working in a nursing home where she cared for patients with dementia.

The Retirement Wisdom Blog was named as One of The Best Blogs to Read in 2021 by Blog Overview

[1] https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/home-care/info-2018/millennial-caregivers-work-life.html

[2] https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/home-care/info-2018/millennial-caregivers-work-life.html

Aging with Gusto

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By Bev Bachel

Our society shuns aging and favors youth.

That’s no secret, but what should you and I do with this real yet unfortunate truth?

Develop an “aging with gusto” mindset.

“How we think about aging has a big impact on how we age,” says Donna Comer, coordinator/facilitator for Aging with Gusto, a Vital Aging Network program focused on how we can maintain positive views of ourselves and others as we grow older.

Such views can be extremely powerful. In fact, research shows that people with more positive views of aging live an average of 7.5 years longer than those with more negative views.[1]

What’s more, people who perceive their elder selves as a burden to others tend to view their lives as less valuable, which in turn increases their risk of depression and social isolation, both of which have proven to be “silent killers” for older adults.[2]

Positive views matter

“Growing older does offer challenges,” acknowledges Comer. “But raising awareness of aging and increasing appreciation for how people of all ages contribute to our families and our communities is an essential first step in adopting a more positive view of both retirement and aging.”

Comer isn’t the only one who thinks so. So does Jo Ann Jenkins, CEO of AARP and author of Disrupt Aging: A Bold New Path to Living Your Best Life at Every Age. In the book and on the Disrupt Aging website, Jenkins stresses that we’re not only living longer, but better. And we’re defying stereotypes along the way.

That was exactly the point made at an arts and aging conference I attended several years back. The keynote speaker invited volunteers from the audience to join him on stage and to act out what 70, 80 and 90 looked like. The volunteer pretending to be 70 took baby steps as she walked onto the stage. The one pretending to be 80 hobbled with a cane, stopping every few feet to catch his breath, while the one pretending to be 90 relied on a make-believe wheelchair.

Then, an actual 90-year-old (a marathoner, it turned out) came running from the back of the auditorium and hopped onto the stage, instantly shattering the audience’s misperceptions of what “old” looks and acts like.

AARP made a similar point in a video it developed in which millennials were asked to demonstrate what old looks like: struggling to send a text message, inching their way down an imaginary flight of stairs and unable to do even a single pushup. Then, the millennials met with real older adults who were able to perform these and other more ambitious tasks effortlessly.

The millennials were amazed. But they shouldn’t have been. While aging often comes with ageism—the tendency to regard older persons as debilitated, unworthy of attention or unsuitable for employment—the two don’t have to go hand in hand. Nor should they.

That’s the point longevity expert Dan Buettner makes in The Blue Zones: Lessons for Living Longer from the People Who’ve Lived the Longest. According to his research, if you want to add years and perhaps decades to your life, embrace these nine habits:

  • Move naturally.People in Blue Zones live in environments that nudge them to move without thinking much about it, rather than separating fitness into a specific hour of their day.
  • Power up your purpose.Called “Ikigai” by the Okinawans, your purpose gives you a reason to get up in the morning. Find it, and you’ll live about seven years longer.
  • Downshift. People in Blue Zones slow down to pray, take naps, manage their stress, cherish their ancestors and come together for happy hours.
  • Stop eating before you’re full.Eat your smallest meal in the late afternoon or early evening and stop eating when you are 80 percent full.
  • Eat plants. While some people in the Blue Zones eat meat, most don’t. And those who do eat it do so only a few times each month.
  • Drink wine.Blue Zonians drink one or two glasses of wine a day with friends and family.
  • Belong to a faith community. Blue Zones research shows that attending faith-based services four times a month can add up to 14 years to your life.
  • Put loved ones first. Aging parents and grandparents often live near or even in the same home as their children and grandchildren. This lowers disease and mortality rates.
  • Find the right crowd. Those who live the longest are part of active social circles that support healthy behaviors.

To learn more about how you can age with gusto, visit AgingWithGusto.com and BlueZones.com.

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Related Podcast Episodes You May Like

Retirement Planning Includes Getting Good at Getting Older – Rabbi Laura Geller

What Can You Do to Age Better? – Anna Dixon

What Can We Learn from Blue Zones? – Richard Eisenberg

We’re All Ageing. Are You Up for a Bolder Approach? – Carl Honoré

[1] https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/psp-832261.pdf

[2] https://www.mylifesite.net/blog/post/positive-aging-changing-mindset-growing-older/