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Retirement Wisdom

Retire Smarter

life in retirement

What’s On Your Retirement Mind?

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by Denis Wuestman

This year we started a series of seminars on the non-financial aspects of retirement with groups of people preparing for this transition as well as those in their early years of retirement.

Since everyone’s experience is different, it was insightful to see how people felt about this new part of their lives, sharing their principles, fears and successes.  We asked them what their most important concerns are when thinking about the non-financial aspects of a retirement transition.

Retirement Concerns

Here are the Top 5 with some tips on how to deal with them:

  • Fear of Loneliness. This was a concern especially among those who may have lost a spouse or in cases where one’s immediate family may live far away.  Very often it occurs once one leaves their job as their social connections have changed.  To counter this, the importance of community and having strong friendships was important.  Continuing to actively pursue relationships with people of all ages, moving to a retirement community, continuing to work or volunteer are all possible counteractions to loneliness.

 

  • Uncertainty about Health. This was not surprising as people age.  However, when discussing how to take better care of one’s self, they highlighted the importance of intellectual stimulation, having strong relationships both with family and friends and the importance of becoming more spiritual and/or closer to nature.  While there are things about health that are beyond one’s control in some respects – one could opt for a healthy lifestyle and maintain a positive attitude towards life and change.

 

  • What to Do with Time. While many enjoyed the freedom of retirement, they recognized that the concept of time changes.  It is no longer defined by a workday.  Some will enjoy the freedom of leisure or treating every day as a Saturday, while others felt it was important to find new passions and a reason to get up in the morning.  Few expressed being satisfied with having nothing to do with their time.  To counter this, having a plan for your newfound free time, discussing with your spouse (if applicable) and saying yes to some things were all important to help explore and discover the right answer for you.  HINT:  Don’t be reluctant to make changes if the plan is not working out for you.

 

  • An Expectation of Oneself. Conduct an inward reflection of what is most important as that can help form principles on how this next part of life will unfold.  While clearly a deeper introspection, the linkage between personal vision, values and mindset surfaced as important elements in the retirement equation.   How does one do this?  Attending a seminar such as the one this group attended, reading books, talking with others and working with a retirement coach were all areas mentioned where one could gain a deeper awareness of their personal needs to help with this journey.

 

  • Missing Elements About Work. While looking forward to the freedom of not working it was clear that work provided non-financial benefits.   First, was the benefit of providing structure and organization in one’s daily life (my personal favorite).  Becoming accustomed to a loss of structure took time and a few found it a very difficult adjustment.   In addition, having one’s identity wrapped into their work required another adjustment and going cold turkey when it comes to understanding the impact of this identity shift was not recommended.   Finally, work was identified as important to socialization, providing purpose, and providing an avenue for continued growth and learning. Options to consider included clearly understanding the areas where there are voids and then exploring how to replace them.  For example, if how to structure your day in retirement is important, then experiment with creating different approaches and routines.  Try it for a few months and see how it feels, then adjust as needed.

Connections between Concerns

What became evident was how these concerns could be interconnected and addressing one could have an impact on the others.    In short:

  • Stay connected with friends, family and make efforts to meet new people of all ages.
  • Recognize the importance of taking care of one’s body, mind and spirit.
  • Plan for how you will spend your TIME and how to structure your day in retirement before you retire.
  • Understanding what work provided you.  There is a connection to social relationships, overall health in the form of intellectual stimulation, and providing purpose in one’s life.  How does one adjust to life without work if they simply haven’t thought about it?

Perhaps most important was understanding what you really expect from yourself in retirement.  How do you do this?  It starts with getting a good grasp on what’s important to you and what you value most in this part of your life.    Understanding your core values can greatly help focus on where to put your life energies in retirement.

 

Denis can be reached at denisw@retirementwisdom.com

A Thank You to Sir Paul – “When I’m 75”!

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by Denis Wuestman

Going back 50 years when the Beatles released the song When I’m 64 I recall thinking that my parents at the time weren’t even that age. It’s hard to identify with something so far away. Yet this little ditty was enjoyable back then as it is now – only the number 64 is rapidly approaching on me. But hey – I think the person that wrote and sang it, Sir Paul McCartney, has shown us what is possible as we age. One story I read said that he wrote it when he was 16 years of age and his father had just turned 64. Genius!

A few weeks ago I had the distinct pleasure of watching Sir Paul perform live during his One on One World Tour. Paul is now 75 years old and, days before this event, the curiosity among my friends was how he will look and sound. Many of us dearly remember the days of the Beatles and Wings and were anxious to relive those memories. Little did we know, we were in for both a history lesson as well as some lessons as to what is possible as we age – thanks to a true living legend.

History Lessons

Throughout a magical 3-hour show, Paul McCartney took us through the pre-Beatle days all the way up to his current music, filled with anecdotes about some of his most memorable songs. When he introduced Love Me Do, he told the audience that John was originally going to sing it but their producer, George Martin, wanted John to play the harmonica in conjunction with the words being sung. He turned to Paul, who admitted how nervous he was at the young age, to do the singing. The rest is history and the beginning of something very special.

During the concert McCartney, shared stories of other songs as well as paid tribute to John, George and George Martin. He connected so well with the audience as he played multiple instruments and covered over 35 songs, a true lasting experience. I kept thinking that I am watching a living page out of history, sharing and teaching us along the way through his music and vitality – how lucky we all are.

75 – So what!

Not lost on me or my friends was the energy, the recognizable voice/mannerisms and stamina that McCartney displayed during this almost 3 hour marathon of a show. He didn’t leave the stage once! He also sounded great. I often marvel at the ability of many of our treasured musical legends to continue to do what they do in their 70’s, appearing to do so effortlessly and with passion. On the way home, our group talked about the secret to aging in such a manner. We had to laugh – we were all in our mid to late 60’s but 75 felt so far away. This was not unlike how we felt as teenagers when we first heard When I’m 64. Only now – 75 is NOT so far away. Here are some things that we learned from Sir Paul about aging;

• Stay fit – even though we are not in show business and might not have a personal cook and/or trainer, a focus on good eating, exercise, and continuing to just keep moving every day seemed critical to the energy and stamina to perform. I recall Stevie Nicks saying at a Fleetwood Mac concert how much hard work the musicians have to put in to get in shape for the concert. Lesson: it’s important for us to take care of our bodies.

• Attitude – while none of us had personally asked any of these performers what their attitude on aging is – we surmised that it had to be that they chose to look at their age as just a number and to live life to the fullest. Having a positive mindset towards aging – in the sense of thinking that the future is bright – can certainly make a difference is how it unfolds.

• Purpose – whatever drives someone to continue to WORK the way McCartney does? We noticed that this is hard work, no matter what age you are. Our little group concluded that it can’t all be about the $. What was evident was that they were doing this because it meant something to them. I often think that they do this “because they can”, but it has to be deeper than that. As we age, whether we do things because of others, for ourselves or simply because we enjoy it – is important. Having a purpose and fulfilling that with meaningful activities (including work) can make a positive impact on our lives and those of others.

I hope that the history and life lessons will stay with me for a long time. I could have listened to Sir Paul all night – but then again, I am not alone. I still have all the music and books to help me remember the history and those three lessons on aging that will boost my energy and vitality past 64!

Grandparenting – How Different Is It From Being a Parent?

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by Denis Wuestman

Today, September 10th is GRANDPARENTS DAY!

As a relatively new Grandparent, when I talk to others about this experience – they all say the same thing: its the best thing in the world.   Now I know what they mean – yep agreed!

I decided to look at some statistics about grandparents in the United States as I think about the kind of grandparent I want to be. So, thanks to Grandparents.com [i]here are some things that jumped out at me:

  • There are 70 million grandparents in the nation today and they lead 37% of all households in this country.
  • 72% think being a grandparent is the single most important and satisfying thing in their life
  • 90% enjoy talking about their grandkids to just about everyone
  • 63% say they can do a better job caring for grandchildren than they did with their own
  • 43% exercise or play sports
  • 75% are online
  • 60% live close to their grandchildren
  • 70% see the kids at least once a week
  • 66% travel with their grandkids
  • 81% have their grandkids for part or all of their summer vacation
  • 92% have changed their grandchild’s diaper

Ok – got it… and I am sure I fit into a lot of these groups – even the diaper part. They are engaged with their families, active, Internet-savvy, and love being grandparents.

Two Core Elements – Teaching & Playing

What I do think about is the difference between being a grandparent vs. a parent. While there are a lot of similarities between parenting and grandparenting, there are some areas where there can be nuances. Although I am fairly new to this role, here are two such areas where I have some early observations.

Teaching – as a parent I tried to teach my kids by being active and present in their lives, talking with them and modeling behavior. Volunteering at school, helping with school work, coaching sports, and sharing their first moments with them were all part of the parenting experience.   As a grandparent, I am starting to understand that it is important to teach by reading to them, telling them simple stories, repeating lessons like the alphabet, numbers and colors.   Finally, sharing key moments with them but being careful to let their parents have the firsts (a good example of this is their first trip to the playground – I prefer that their parents have that experience),

Playing – I recall a series of ways that I had fun with my kids as their parent. Proud to say that I participated in all these activities including: dancing, playing house, playing sports, bike rides, running, family board games and good old playing cards.   As a grandparent, I believe the level of activity may shift perhaps due to proximity, time available, and physical limitations. What is clear to me is that playtime is certainly on the agenda. I will not miss the opportunity to participate in a game they enjoy, play house, dance, walk, bike or make a mess with my grandchildren. I remember the joy and memories I had with my kids when we played – getting a chance to do it with the next generation is a special opportunity not to be missed.

Showing Love, Support and Fostering Growth

As a parent or grandparent, giving unconditional love is probably the most powerful gift of all for us and for them. If I had to describe the core of this great gift it would include: providing encouragement, hugging them and telling them that you love them, spending time with them, listening to them when they talk about their lives, showing them direction by setting examples and keeping them close as they grow. As parents we need to be strong and fair when course corrections are necessary and we need to ride the fine line between being involved in their lives versus running their lives. As a rookie grandparent, I am not sure how involved I will be in course correction as they grow. I guess that will become clearer over time. Right now my focus is a combination of being the best cheerleader and friend I can be to help establish a solid bond. I will do things like:

  • Smile a lot
  • Ask them to share stories (when they can talk)
  • Listen with focus
  • Encourage and support
  • Refrain from criticism

Showing love with words and simple actions will hopefully create the gift that keeps on giving.

Admire Your Hard Work

Finally, enjoy watching your kids become parents. You taught, played with them and loved them – now it’s their turn to do the same for their children. Of course, they will experience the ups and downs of parenthood but take the time to notice how your groundwork helped them become the parents they are today. The focus is always on the cute little child and the joy of that next generation – but don’t forget to continue to love and encourage your own children (without meddling of course. I didn’t say it is easy!). I do know that I will support my kids and follow the model they want to set for their kids.   As grandparents we can experience and be part of sharing two great gifts – seeing our children experience parenthood and seeing our grandchildren grow. Enjoy every moment and become a proud member of the group that believes being a grandparent is the single most important and satisfying thing in their lives!

 

[i] “Surprising Facts About Grandparents” (2013, Editors of Grandparents.com)