In What Matters Most, Diane Button draws on her nearly two decades of experience as an end-of-life doula to explore the deeper truths people discover only when time is finite. This is a special and worthwhile book that can transform how you see, and live, the years ahead.
Her experience teaches us that when people face the end of their lives, all the superficial worries fall away—and what remains, in sharper focus, are the things that truly what truly matter: love, connection, meaning, and presence. The book relays unforgettable stories of individuals in their final months and weeks and their valuable lessons about how to live well now.
A big takeaway is that the “ordinary” everyday moments we often overlook are everything. She explains that people with limited time often don’t yearn for exotic adventures—but for the simple experiences we can take for granted: time with family, savoring a home-cooked meal, watching light through a window. A second takeaway is that joy is still possible in hard circumstances—but it must be consciously counted and noticed. She shares the compelling story of a man who used a “joy counter” to remind himself of small joyful moments even as he was ill. Another lesson she shares is that we all have some unfinished business—words of gratitude unsaid, unhealed relationships, projects that were never begun or completed. As time grows short, those loose ends can loom large. A final takeaway is that kindness and connection, not fame or wealth, turn out to be the most valuable currency of living a meaningful life. It’s the small gestures, not the grand ones, that create connection and meaning.
Life Lessons from What Matters Most
- Re-set priorities. Let the knowledge of our ultimate mortality sharpen your focus on what matters: it’s not about more stuff, but deeper relationships and meaning.
- Pause more. Look for something small to notice and appreciate—nature, a conversation, a smile. Train yourself to live more in the moment.
- Count your joy. Consider keeping a “joy counter” or journal of small wins, moments of connection, unexpected laughter.
- Clear the decks Ask yourself: What needs to be said? Who do I need to call? What do I want to leave behind? Then take action.
- Be kind. Be generous with small kindnesses—meals, texts, visits. The dying often say this mattered far more than their achievements.
What Matters Most invites us not simply to reflect, but to act—to live as though we might leave this world tomorrow. Button’s compassionate work with her clients gives her a rare vantage point of when time shrinks, people’s clarity sharpens. Her patients teach her—and through her book, they teach us—how to live today with clear refocused intention, compassion and courage. For anyone, but especially those navigating major transitions (such as retirement), the book is a powerful reminder: what we’ll look back on isn’t the ledger of our achievements or possessions, but the relationships and the moments we now made sure we didn’t miss.
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Read What Matters Most: Lessons the Dying Teach Us About Living
Listen to my podcast conversation with Diane Button
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Listen to a related podcast conversation with Jodi Wellman, author of You Only Die Once
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