By Marissa G. Franco, PhD
People get that social connectivity is essential for health and longevity. But one question I often get from clients isn’t about the “What”, it’s about the “How.” If they’re leaving their job and the relationships at work they’ve built up over the years, or if they’re moving to a new community, how do they create new friendships? For some, this is an easy question, but for many people, especially some men, it’s quite challenging.
In Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends, a New York Times Bestseller, Dr. Marissa Franco brings some research-based ideas and useful action steps. The book offers insights into the dynamics of friendship through the lens of attachment theory. With a blend of scientific research, personal anecdotes, and practical advice, she presents a compelling case for the transformative power of understanding how friendship works – and how that can help you cultivate and maintain meaningful relationships as an adult.
The book begins by laying the groundwork of attachment theory. Franco translates this theory into the world of adult friendships, pointing out that our early attachment experiences continue to shape our interpersonal dynamics throughout our lives. By understanding our attachment style—whether it’s secure, anxious, or avoidant—we can gain insight into our patterns of behavior and communication in friendships that can help us in building new ones.
Through stories and examples that you can easily relate to, Franco shows how attachment styles show up in various aspects of friendship, from the initial stages of forming connections to how we navigate conflicts and maintain connection over time. She breaks down the challenges and rewards of each attachment style, offering strategies for overcoming common mistakes and tips for creating healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
One of the book’s strongest points is on how much vulnerability and authenticity matter in friendships. Marissa Franco argues that genuine connections are built on a foundation of trust and emotional openness. They help to share their true selves and feel seen and valued by others. She offers practical tips on how to get comfortable being more vulnerable in friendships and how to become more accepting of others. In addition, she urges people to set healthy boundaries and prioritize self-care in friendships, and how to navigate or disengage from toxic, draining relationships.
This book is a valuable resource for people who are looking to find or create a new tribe in retirement. It will also help you to become an even better friend.
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Listen to my podcast conversation with Dr. Marissa Franco here
Buy the book here
You may also be interested in my podcast conversation with science journalist David Robson on his book The Laws of Connection: The Scientific Secrets of Building a Strong Social Network
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