Marilee Adams’s Change Your Questions, Change Your Life makes a bold promise. For me, it delivered as promised.
It begins with a simple premise: the questions we ask shape what we notice, how we feel, the choices we see, and the lives we create. Written as an engaging business fable, she introduces “Question Thinking,” a practice for becoming more aware of our internal questions and choosing helpful ones.
Her Choice Map distinguishes two mindsets. Judger is reactive, critical, and certainty-seeking: “What’s wrong with me?” “Who’s to blame?” “Why bother?” Learner is curious, accepting, and possibility-oriented: “What can I learn?” “What do I want?” “What are my choices?” The goal is not to eliminate Judger (it’s impossible) but to notice it without self-criticism and use the “Switching Lane” to move toward Learner.
This can be especially valuable in the transition to retirement. With more time alone, the mind can drift toward regret, resentment, boredom, or anxious comparison. Research suggests that loneliness and rumination can impact mental wellness in middle and later life. Adams’s framework offers a way to redirect mental energy. Instead of asking, “How will I fill my time?” retirees might ask, “What would be meaningful and satisfying now?” “What can I contribute?” “What relationships nourish me?” and “What does my heart want me to do next?”
In our podcast conversation, Adams emphasized key additions to the fifth edition: the emerging world of AI, the power of pausing and somatic awareness. Her brief “Stop, breathe, be” practice (adapted from The 5 Resets by Aditi Nerurkar, MD) interrupts reactions and creates space for choice. Two questions stood out as especially potent: “How else can I think about this?” and “Who do I choose to be in this moment?”
The book’s deeper message is that retirement need not be a withdrawal. Better questions can turn your unstructured thinking time into curiosity, agency, connection, and the intentional design of a genuinely fulfilling next chapter you’ll never want to retire from.
It’s a valuable, insightful resource. If your experience using it is like mine, it will become one of those special books you’ll recommend to, and gift to, others.
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Change Your Questions, Change Your Life
Listen to my podcast conversation with Marilee Adams, PhD
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