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Most of us think of questions as something we ask other people. Dr. Marilee Adams has spent years showing the opposite: the most consequential questions we ask are the ones we ask ourselves. Adams, founder of the Inquiry Institute and author of the half-million-copy bestseller Change Your Questions, Change Your Life, (a new 5th edition has just been published) joins us to make us smarter about our internal questioning. She introduces us to two mindsets that live inside all of us — Judger and Learner — and the Choice Map™ that helps you notice which one is driving the bus. The conversation takes her work directly into the world of retirement, where Judger questions (What do I regret?, What do I resent?) can quietly shape our moods, relationships, and the texture of later life. But Learner questions (What would be meaningful next?, What does my heart want me to do?, What can I contribute?) open up possibilities for a different future.
Along the way, Adams explains the physiology underpinning the two mindsets, and a single powerful question: Who do I choose to be in this moment? that she returns to again and again. She also introduces us to the five-to-seven-second “Stop, Breathe, Be” practice that can shift your nervous system anytime (from The 5 Resets: Rewire Your Brain and Body for Less Stress and More Resilience by Aditi Nerurkar, MD).
If you’re thinking about designing the non-financial side of your next chapter, or looking to enhance your life in retirement, this is an episode worth re-listening to with a notebook in hand.
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For More on Marilee Adams, PhD
Change Your Questions, Change Your Life, 5th Edition
Take the Survey & Download The Choice Map™
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Bio
“We’re always asking ourselves questions that affect our moods, that help with our decisions, and also make a difference in whether we have a positive quality mindset or the opposite. All of us human beings have two mindsets. We always will have them — which means they are normal…The more we accept our Judger, the more acceptance and forgiveness and empathy come online. That helps you open your heart to yourself and to others.”
On Questions
“Typical Judger questions in later life are: How can I just fill up my time? What would keep me from being bored? What do I regret or resent about the past? Learner questions sound different: What would be meaningful and satisfying for me going forward? What does my heart want me to do next? What can I contribute? What would be fulfilling? People who are more in Learner mindset literally live longer and have better quality lives. People who are past-oriented, regretful, resentful, live not as long and not as fulfilling.
