Have you listened to our Podcast yet? Start listening today to maximize your retirement years! CLICK HERE

CLICK HERE to hear our podcast!

Retirement Wisdom

Retire Smarter

Retirement Wisdom

The Two-Letter Word that Can Save Your Retirement

· ·

By Bev Bachel

I’m a people pleaser. As a result, I often find myself saying yes when I’d rather say no. So do many of my retired friends who admit to feeling overwhelmed by requests from their friends, family, neighbors and former colleagues who assume they now  have all sorts of free time for everything from babysitting and running errands to volunteering and doing airport drop-offs and pickups. 

Say yes too often and you, like me, may find yourself missing out on the exact things you’d been looking forward to in retirement.

So why do we say yes when we’d much rather say no? Common reasons include:   

  • Sense of duty: “They’re my parents, so I ought to do what they ask.”
  • Desire to reciprocate: “She once did a similar favor for me, so I owe her.”
  • Guilt: “I said no the last two times she asked, so I better say yes now.” 
  • Fear of hurting someone’s feelings: “I’m concerned he’ll feel bad if I say no.”
  • Fear of missing out: “If I don’t go, I might miss something wonderful or she might stop inviting me.

As this list makes clear, there are many reasons why we say yes when we’d rather say no. When we do, we let ourselves down and may even grow resentful. If we’re not careful, we may even begin to feel that the retirement of our dreams is slipping out of reach.

That’s why learning to say “no” is so important. It is the simplest way to free up the time, energy and money for the things you truly want to do.

But how do you know what to say no to? I reached out to several retired friends and colleagues, and here are the top five activities they listed as no-worthy:

  • Time-consuming favors. Yes, I can drive you to the airport. No, I cannot do your grocery shopping every week. Yes, I can run that errand. No, I cannot commit to volunteering weekly. 
  • Pressure to keep up. So what if your best friend plays pickleball three times a week, a fellow retiree serves on two nonprofit boards or a former coworker spends more money eating out monthly than you do on your mortgage. It’s not a competition.   
  • Tasks you can easily outsource. I have a century-old oak tree in my backyard and used to spend several fall weekends raking leaves. Now, I donate to my neighborhood YMCA and a team of four college student-volunteers shows up on a Saturday afternoon and within hours the job is done.
  • Babysitting the grandkids. Several people I know provide regular daycare for their grandkids, sometimes at the expense of their own retirement dreams. Rather than growing resentful, they’ve learned to set boundaries so they can enjoy both their grandkids and their alone time.
  • Mindless habits. FreeCell. Jigsaw puzzles. Wordle, Quordle and even Octordle. They may keep your brain limber but can turn into time-consuming habits that erode  your self-esteem and jeopardize your retirement dreams. So can excessive phone talking and TV watching, neither of which were likely part of your retirement plan.

Tips for saying no

Saying no to others doesn’t mean you’re selfish or a bad person. Nor does it mean you should feel guilty. Still it can be difficult—or even a surprise to others if you’re known as a “yes” person. Here are some tips that can help:

  • Take three deep breaths. Whether you’re being asked to donate to a political candidate you don’t feel strongly about or join your friends for an evening out when you’d rather stay at home, stop and take three deep breaths before responding. Even pausing for just a few seconds can make saying no easier.  
  • Just say it. No need to beat around the bush or offer excuses or long-winded explanations.“Sorry, I can’t,” “Gee, I’m already overbooked,” and “Sorry, now is not a good time” are complete sentences and enough of an explanation.  
  • Use email. If you don’t think you’ll be able to stick to saying no, consider email instead. Opt for short and to the point: “I appreciate you asking, but I’m not going to be able to help this time.”
  • Offer an alternative. “I can’t attend in person, but I can join via Zoom” and “I would love to volunteer but only for two hours, not four” are two ways of protecting your time. 
  • Find a “no buddy.” I’m a big believer in goal buddies, and now I have a couple of “no buddies,” trusted colleagues and friends I reach out to whenever I’m tempted to say yes but know I ought to say no. They not only give me permission to decline, they help me figure out how to do so.

While saying no can be difficult, especially at first, the more you practice, the easier it gets—and the more opportunity you’ll have to say yes to all the things you want to enjoy in retirement.

Bev Bachel is a Minneapolis freelance writer who is getting better at saying no. She’s also the author of What Do You Really Want? How to Set a Goal and Go for It! A Guide for Teens.

Check out The Retirement Wisdom Podcast

Miracle Mornings

· ·

By Bev Bachel

I’m a big believer in the power of mornings. And the closer I get to retirement, the more important my mornings become. If I use them wisely, I can plow through my to-do list, all the while feeling relaxed and optimistic. If I waste them, I run the risk of being unproductive and feeling stressed all day.

So I was pleased to learn that I’m not alone in my love of mornings when I discovered Hal Elrod’s The Miracle Morning: The Not-So-Obvious Secret Guaranteed to Transform Your Life Before 8 AM.

A quick read, the book features six practices Elrod calls Life SAVERS that have given my morning routine a needed jolt. They are:

  • Silence. I used to wake up and do one of two things, even before I’d crawled out of bed: start listening to one of my favorite podcasts such as the Retirement Wisdom podcast, or start yammering away to my partner about my plans and to-dos for the day. Now, I instead tune into my breath, typically for five minutes during which I concentrate on breathing in peace and breathing out kindness.
  • Affirmations. I then repeat three positive phrases that I have found to be particularly effective for me: It’s a great day. I’m in a great mood. I have all the time I need to do all the things I want.
  • Visualization. Next, I picture myself effortlessly and enjoyably completing three tasks on my day’s to-do list: finishing a blog post, returning a phone call, folding a load of laundry. While these and other similar tasks aren’t onerous, they are ones I often put off.
  • Exercise. I then get down on my hands and knees and complete the physical therapy prescribed for my ailing right hip, as well as two sets of pushups and sit-ups.
  • Reading. Having read at least 52 books a year since graduating from college, reading for 10 to 20 minutes each morning comes easily for me. Although I occasionally indulge in a page-turner, I typically start my day with some form of self-help.
  • Scribing. My early-morning writing occurs in one of two ways: quickly scribbled thoughts in my journal or heartfelt notes to family and friends.

Most days my SAVERS routine takes me 10 minutes; other days I invest an hour. Either way, the routine ensures I put myself and my mental and physical well-being at the top of my morning to-do list. Some days that, in and of itself, feels like a miracle.

Bev Bachel is a Twin Cities freelance writer and the author of What Do You Really Want? How to Set a Goal and Go for It! A Guide for Teens.

Podcast Episodes You May Like

Tiny Habits Can Lead to Big Changes – BJ Fogg

Are You Living Gratefully? – Kristi Nelson

Get Wild: How Being Outdoors (Even in Winter) Can Improve Your Health and Happiness

· ·

By Bev Bachel

More happiness. Less anxiety. Increased feelings of calm. Lower blood pressure. Greater capacity for concentration. Reduced loneliness. Less irritability. Better short-term memory.

According to Chris Heeter, founder of The Wild Institute, these are some of the benefits of spending time outdoors, benefits that can go a long way toward our physical, mental and emotional wellbeing as we transition from full-time jobs to retirement.

Heeter ought to know. She’s spent three-plus decades leading wilderness trips—sometimes in the summer with canoes and paddles, sometimes in the winter with sleds and Alaskan huskies that she has helped breed, raise and train. She also takes what she’s learned outdoors and brings it indoors as a professional speaker, extolling the virtues of nature and encouraging all of us to bring more wild into our daily lives, no matter the season.

That’s exactly what Tami Spry and Barry Scanlan are doing in retirement…but not quite the way you might expect.

From the country to the city

Unlike many retirees who opt to move away from larger metropolitan areas where they worked and raised their families to smaller, more rural communities, Spry and Scanlan did just the opposite.

“We raised our son on 10 acres on the Rum River in a rural community about 60 miles north of the Twin Cities,” explains Spry. “We landscaped our property, built an outdoor oven and a dock, cleared walking and snowshoe paths through our woods and felled our own Christmas trees.”

They loved every minute of that life, yet moved from “The Land,” which is how they always refer to it, to the Twin Cities, Minnesota’s largest metropolitan area with 3.5 million. Yet they still manage to keep the wild in their lives. “It’s our therapy,” says Scanlon. “We need it, and we enjoy it!”

“We didn’t want to be isolated in retirement, which is why we moved, says Spry. “But even living in the city, we still consider our land and the land around us a member of our family, and we get outside as often as we can.”

Scanlan agrees. “Even when it’s 20 below, it’s surprising what you see when you take the time to look. The other day we saw a coyote crossing the street, and we often see otters, ducks and swans on our neighborhood lakes and rivers, as well as juncos, robins and woodpeckers in our yard.” And there will be even more animals and birds in their yard in the years ahead as Spry and Scanlan have added trees, birdhouses and a butterfly-friendly garden.

Spry, who is writing a book about her relationship with the natural world, pays attention to them all, especially in winter. She offers this advice: “Having a relationship with nature involves letting go of your expectations of what ‘nature’ is and instead developing your own relationship with it. The tree in your backyard is as grand and life-giving as a tree in the Boundary Waters or Muir Woods, but much more accessible.”

Tips for enjoying the outdoors…in the winter

Of course, it’s easier to get outside to enjoy the outdoors when the weather is warm, but as Heeter, Spry and Scanlan all live in Minnesota, a state known for long, bone-chilling winters, I reached out to them for their tips on how to enjoy more outdoor time during winter’s coldest months. Here’s what they had to say:

Tip No. 1: Dress for the weather. Getting—and staying!—outside on below-zero days requires the right gear. According to Heeter, warm mittens are a must, as are warm boots with plenty of wiggle room for your toes, even when they’re encased in two pairs of wool socks. Also dress in layers. And to make it easy to get outside, keep all your gear together in one easy-to-access spot such as a laundry hamper or wicker basket. 

Tip No. 2: Remember that comfort isn’t everything. “The cold can sometimes take your breath away,” says Heeter. “But take a few deep breaths, drop your shoulders, relax your muscles and get moving, and you’ll be surprised at how quickly you warm up.”

Tip No. 3: Keep it local. Some people think the only way to spend time in nature is by camping in the wilderness, which can require hours of driving just to set foot outdoors. Heeter doesn’t agree. Instead, she suggests you drive (or better yet, walk!) to the nearest park where you’ll find plenty of birds, rabbits, deer and other animals to get excited about. That’s exactly what Spry and Scanlan do while walking a route that takes them past many of their neighbors’ gardens to the Mississippi River which is only a few blocks away.

Tip No. 4: Tune into the sights and sounds of nature. Resist the temptation to listen to music or podcasts while walking. Instead, tune in to nature. “When we turn our ears and eyes to the natural world, we see so much more,” says Heeter. “And we begin to feel as if we belong.” Scanlan agrees, which is one reason why he keeps a journal of the outdoors—the wildlife he sees, the amount of snow in the season’s first blizzard, the spring’s first sighting of a bluebird and more.  

Tip No. 5: Play! Go off trail, make a snow angel, build a snowperson, start a snowball fight. Let yourself be a kid again—and spread the joy by inviting others to join in. One way Spry and Scanlan do so is by building a fire in their backyard firepit. Sometimes they enjoy it on their own, other times they invite friends and neighbors to join in. That’s also what Heeter does with the monthly poems she publishes on her website, all of which are intended to inspire us to begin or rekindle our relationship with the wild. Here’s a recent one I found particularly enjoyable and hope you will too:  A Winter Walk.

Bev Bachel is a Twin Cities freelance writer who enjoys spending time outdoors, even during Minnesota winters.

 Podcast Episode You May Like

The Joy of Movement – Kelly McGonigal

Lessons from Tom Brady’s Retirement

· ·

by Joe Casey

I know what you’re thinking. How can Tom Brady’s decision to retire be helpful to me? He’s uber-wealthy, he’s the best ever at his profession, and he’s married to a supermodel. Maybe you don’t share his love of avocado ice cream. All of those things may be true. But there are some underlying principles in his retirement decision and they’re worth exploring. I find it’s useful to study what highly successful people do and consider ways you can tailor them to your particular situation. So what can we mere mortals take away from Tom Brady’s decision to retire from the NFL

1. Know When It’s Time

He’d been open about his goal to play as an NFL quarterback until he’s 45 (and perhaps beyond). But for some combination of reasons, he decided to walk away one year shy of his goal. You may have a date you’re targeting. But reflect from time to time about how you’re feeling about work and retirement. You’ll know when it’s time to move on, if you have the ability to do so. And remember, in real life, almost half of retirees are forced to retire well before their planned retirement date. So be attuned to when you can move on – and when you feel it’s right for you. Even if it’s short of your target.

2. Go Out on Top

Brady led the NFL last season in passing yards and was at the top on many key metrics and he’s among the top candidates for MVP. For years he said he would play until he wasn’t good any longer. He didn’t want to hang on, like so many do – in pro sports and business. How about you? Will walk away on your own terms?

3. Lay the Foundation for Your Next Act in Advance

Brady began building his next act years ago during his playing days, starting a health and fitness company, a clothing line and a production company. While those ventures may not be on your list, it’s wise to begin thinking about what you want to do after you leave the world of full-time work, while you’re still in it. Whether your aspirations include working part-time, volunteering, consulting, writing that book you’ve always dreamed about, or traveling, it’s helpful to envision it in advance. It will allow you time to research your options, learn what it’s really like, and what it will take to make it happen. While you’re still working, make time once a month to have lunch or coffee to talk with people who’ve retired and are doing something like what you’re imagining. You’ll be glad you did.

4. Family Matters

It’s speculated that family considerations played a major role in Brady’s decision to retire. If you’re married, in a serious relationship and/or have a family, this is something many of us can relate to. It’s not just about you. And many couples put off talking about retirement in any depth. A survey by Fidelity of 1,600 people asked couples when their significant other was going to retire. 57 percent got it wrong. Talk about it. Be prepared to listen. Make time for a series of conversations. Don’t assume you know what what your partner is thinking.

5. Be the Bigger Person on the Way Out

Brady was criticized for not mentioning the New England Patriots, the team he played for 20 years, in his retirement announcement. It’s wiser to stay above the fray. Leave with grace. Don’t burn any bridges. Look beyond the temptation to be petty, spiteful or vindictive as you exit. It’s not worth it. I once read a resignation letter that a former employee (who I had fired) sent to his subsequent company when he decided to leave them. It was a legendary “scorched earth style” letter trashing his latest manager, his direct reports, internal stakeholders, upper management and several of his peers. Twenty people sent to me and it later went viral on the internet. It did not serve him well.

6. Don’t Lock the Door

Never say never. Before the pandemic, studies showed that in the US and UK over 20% of retirees unretired within five years, and most did not return for financial reasons. Often it was because they missed the sense of purpose work provided them or they missed the camaraderie of the workplace. Others returned because they wanted to stay sharp cognitively. In Brady’s case, there’s already speculation that he may be planning a Brett Favre like power play next season forcing his former team to release or trade him after they secure his successor, paving the way for a potential return to his hometown team, the San Francisco 49ers.

Which of these lessons can you apply to your retirement planning?

___________________________________

Joe Casey is an executive coach, who also helps people design new lives after they move on from their primary careers. He’s the host of The Retirement Wisdom Podcast, which according to Listen Notes, is ranked in the top 1.5% of podcasts in popularity globally. And he’s the author of the new book Win the Retirement Game: Outsmart the 9 Forces Trying to Steal Your Joy coming this summer.

Time for a Retirement Do-Over?

· ·

A few months ago I accidentally stumbled on the trailer for The Do-Over, a “2016 dunderhead comedy” (ala Rotten Tomatoes) starring David Spade and Adam Sandler who fake their deaths in order to start their lives anew. While I didn’t watch the movie, the trailer got me wondering about what retirees would do differently if they had another chance to retire, knowing what they know now.

Ever since, I’ve been asking people who have retired, recently or decades ago, what they would “do over” if given the chance. Here are the most common answers I received:

  • Started saving earlier—and saved more!
  • Waited (or not waited) to claim Social Security.
  • Retired earlier, later or not at all.
  • Traveled more while still healthy (and before COVID).
  • Spent more time with my kids while they were still young and with my parents while they were still alive.
  • Taken better care of my health.
  • Done more research before relocating across the country (or halfway around the world).

Ready, set…do-over

Obviously, we can’t travel back in time for a retirement do-over. But regardless of our age and whether we’re newly retired or have been for decades, we don’t have to accept the status quo or dwell on past mistakes because it’s never too late for a fresh restart.

Instead, we can give ourselves a do-over, this time with the wisdom of the first go-round. For advice on how to do so, I reached out to Judith Belmont of Belmont Wellness and author of several books, including A Year of Self-Esteem: Daily Reflections and Practices for Embracing Your Worth.

She advises taking these six steps to launch your do-over:

Step 1: Accept that what’s done is done. “You can’t turn back the hands of time, but you can stop living in the land of ‘if onlys’ and ‘woulda coulda shouldas,’” says Belmont. “The key is to look for lessons you’ve learned and take comfort in the fact that these lessons make you wiser.”

Step 2: Get back in touch with your dreams. If you’re like many people in or near retirement you may have lost track of your hopes and dreams. If so, Belmont advises asking yourself the following questions:

  • What do I enjoy doing? Why?
  • What don’t I enjoy? Why?
  • What gives meaning and purpose to my life?
  • What are my talents and skills? How might I improve them?
  • What do I daydream about?
  • What do I like to read and watch movies about?

Step 3: Set SMART do-over goals. Whether big or small, near-term or decades into the future, make your do-over goals SMART: specific, measurable, active, reachable and timed. You may also find it helpful to divide your goals into categories. Here are some Bellmont recommends: personal, family, financial, community, physical and, for those who want to continue to work, career.

Step 4: Develop an action plan. Going for your do-over goals without first breaking them down into bite-size pieces is like trying to eat an apple all in one bite. Instead, brainstorm the small steps you need to take, put them in logical order and then assign a deadline to each.

Step 5: Seek support. One great way to get support for your retirement do-overs is by finding a goal buddy, a person who understands and cares about you and your goals and offers you the tools and support you need to succeed.

Step 6: Celebrate your do-over successes. Your celebrations should be in proportion to the size of your do-over goals and meaningful to you. You may choose to keep them private or to share, either with close family and friends or more publicly via social media. “Either way, do what makes you feel proud,” advises Belmont.

A fan of do-overs, Bev Bachel is a Minneapolis freelance writer and the author of What Do You Really Want: How to Set a Goal and Go for It!

Ready for your retirement do-over?

Our Design Your New Life in Retirement program starts on January 20th. Learn more here